


Don't let me go

by Totallyawesomegeek



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Klaine, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2083566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totallyawesomegeek/pseuds/Totallyawesomegeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine are at a crossroads. Let their love die or fight to their last breath for their marriage? When everything seems to be over, something unexpected forces them to get back together and face their demons. It will be a journey of discovery for both of them, which will lead them to rediscover their love and understand that perhaps all is not lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone. This story is the sequel to my one-shot, "Where'd you go". If you haven't read that I suggest you do. Though it's not strictly necessary, it will help you understand the first chapter better. Plus, it's a very short fic, so it shouldn't take too much of your time.
> 
> Have a good read.

1

 _A room full of darkness_ __  
A broken heart __  
And only me to blame __  
For every single part

 

"Blaine is gone."

That was the first thought that crossed his mind when his eyes opened. He was laying on the bed, his cell phone in his right hand, in the other was the ring that his husband had left behind.

He had no idea of how much time he'd spent laying there like that. Minutes, hours, days. Everything was a blur. Every single emotion he had was tangled with all of the others and stuck in an inextricable skein.

The hurt for having lost the man he loved above everything else, the guilt, because he'd known the end was looming ahead of them, drawing closer with each passing day. He'd seen Blaine lose his will to fight, heard his voice become more resigned and distant every day. He'd listened to his father's reproaching lectures, week after week, worried about their marriage.

And then there was the anger. The fierce, burning rage directed towards Blaine, but also directed at himself. Because his husband. He knew he could have forced him to talk. He knew that they could have fixed everything, if only they had found the courage to admit that things between them had gone awry.

But neither of them had been courageous, and this was where it left them.

His hands were shaking as he dialed the number for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

But Blaine's cell was still disconnected, and slowly a feeling of pure panic seized him, because Blaine was nowhere to be found. Not with Kate, his assistant, or at least that's what she had told him; his dad hadn't heard from him. Wes and David had no idea where he was, and calling every single hotel in New York couldn't be an option.

He could do nothing but wait.

Waiting for what? He had no idea. A call, a message, a knock on the door maybe.

The silence of the room was getting on his every nerve. It was unbearable.

The tears had stopped streaming down his face, but somehow that hurt even more.

Maybe he should have gone out searching for him, he knew Blaine's favorite places. His favorite restaurant, the corner of Central Park where he used to go every Sunday morning, the little coffee shop where they used to have breakfast at every opportunity that arose during their college years.

Things were very different now.

Those days seemed so far away from the moments they were living, the two kids that had lived them were completely different from the men they had become.

They hadn't gone back to that little coffee shop anymore for a long time; they had always been too involved in other things.

The shrill sound of the cell phone startled him, brought him back to present. He answered, without even checking the ID, his voice breathless.

"Blaine?"

On the other end of the phone there was only silence. Not even a sigh.

"Blaine" he tried again. He looked down at the screen to check the number. It wasn't familiar, but he knew it couldn't be anyone else. It _had_ to be Blaine.

"Blaine" he whispered. His voice was shaking. The lump in his throat was becoming larger by the moment, and the tears that seemed to have run out started up again.

"I had to let you know I was safe."

Blaine's voice was insecure, like he had no idea of what he was doing. Rough, probably from all the crying.

"Come back home. Please" Kurt begged with a sigh.

There was moment of silence that screamed unspoken regrets.

"I can't."

And Kurt just knew in that moment, that he would have preferred to endure the fires of hell than to get that answer. Anything but that answer. He knew what those words meant.

They meant that Blaine couldn't come home, because he didn't feel like he had a home with Kurt anymore; because he didn't feel like he belonged in Kurt's life. He knew as well that he couldn't just let this go without a fight.

"We can talk about it, we can fix this. But we can't do anything if you don't come back. We can't put the pieces back together if you're not here with me."

His words were returned with a sigh, followed by another seemingly endless span of silence.

"You have no idea..." Blaine choked. "You don't know how much I would like to come back to you, but I can't, Kurt. All I can do is think about how long we let this go without talking, all those months of being lonely. And on _Christmas day_ " he said, his voice shaking. "I was here, alone, while you were out living your wonderful new life, with your job, and your new friends and without me. I was here alone on Christmas, watching stupid movies, and it was like I had no husband. It was like I haven't had a partner for half of my life."

Kurt wanted to scream, to yell, to hit something. Because what could he possibly say to that? That it was work? That he'd done it for them? That it would have been worth it in the end? It didn't matter that he had spent his Christmas working. He'd had his co-workers to keep him company and a party to attend at the end of the day. While Blaine was, for some unfathomable reason, home alone instead of being in Lima with their family.

Then he stopped himself, because he knew the reason. Blaine had been alone because _he_ had left him alone. And, like the coward that he was, had sent a text message to tell him, instead of having the guts to at least speak to him.

In his heart he had known that his choice had broken them. He knew that the fact that Blaine hadn't answered the phone that night meant that forgiveness was out of the question.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Blaine responded quietly.

Kurt knew they were at a crossroads, but he had no idea which path to take. They could take a break, not talk to each other for a while. Maybe try to forget. Or, they could fight together. Discuss, yell at each other but never lose hope. Never lose their love.

"Come home Blaine."

He already knew what Blaine's answer would be, but he just had to try again.

"I need time. I need to find myself again. Fix my life."

"So you're breaking up with me, without even giving us the chance to try it make it work?"

It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that. But in that moment everything was amplified, everything hurt. It was killing him.

"I wasn't the one who let go, Kurt." Blaine's voice was now hard, cold. "I came to see you every time I could. Did you do the same? Can you honestly say that you did everything you could to save our marriage?"

"You are not giving me the chance to!"

It was not an answer to Blaine's question, but it was everything he had. He wasn't ready to take responsibilities. Not yet. He knew he'd been wrong. He knew that though Blaine hadn't spoken up, he had some of the blame too. He had invested too much in a job he didn't even like. He'd chosen to stay and work at the magazine rather than to go home for the week-ends to his husband.

Blaine's sigh on the other side of the line brought him back to present.

"I gave you so many chances to," He said with an air of finality. "listen, I need to go."

Where? Kurt wanted to ask. Where are you? With who? Why do you have to go instead of coming home and trying to fix this? But he knew his questions wouldn't have been supplied with an answer.

"Will you call tomorrow?" he asked instead, his voice shaking, heart beating manically in his chest.

Another sigh.

"I'll see you around Kurt."

Then the line went dead. The house was quiet again.

In the hurt of that moment, something gave him comfort.

The picture of their wedding, Blaine's favorite, was not on the nightstand anymore.

It was a picture of them dancing like idiots at the reception, their clothing and hair totally disheveled. Kurt hadn't wanted to put it in the wedding album but Blaine had it framed.

"It's me and you" He'd said. "Free of every social restraint and happy, it's just us."

It was just a picture, but he loved it more than anything else in the world now. It was the place in time he wanted to go back to.

Blaine had taken it with him and maybe, just maybe, everything was not lost yet.


	2. Incomplete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!  
> here's the second chapter to this little story of mine.  
> But before that i'd like to say two things I've thought long and hard about, because I fear some of you might have misinterpreted my story.  
> 1) i don't consider Kurt a bad guy, or worse than that the woman in his relationship with Blaine, or the one who should be home being a housewife and watching the kids. So please understand that I love all the characters of Glee equally.  
> 2) wherever this story might go, I am the daughter of a couple who's spent most of their life separated because of work. That is the reason why I know what distance might do to people, and it's not about career or being inferior. My dad is a "man", the one who's supposed to bring food home. And to this day I still wish he'd lived his life with us and not thousands of miles away. Just like Kurt was doing. This story was me trying to work that into words.  
> Now I'll stop boring you because I know i wrote too much.  
> I promise It won't happen again.  
> all the love  
> Mary

_2_

 

_Empty spaces fill me up with holes_  
Distant faces with no place left to go  
Without you within me I can't find no rest  
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

 

The first hours were the worst. If Blaine had thought packing his things had been hard, taking off his ring had nearly killed him. He missed that ring now.. it was like he'd removed a fundamental part of himself. A kidney, his lungs... his heart would be the most accurate comparison, because the problem wasn't not loving Kurt, Blaine's feelings for his husband were strong and unchangeable. The problem was the wall built between them, and his inability to trust their relationship.

For the first time, he couldn't see a future with Kurt, he didn't see a nice house, their future kids, or the two men at the end of their long, happy lives, still together. What he could see was sadness, long days and even longer nights by himself stretching out before him endlessly. That was the reason he'd left his ring behind, because there was no meaning left in the promises they had made when they said "I do."

Making himself walk out the door had been worse. He knew Kurt would be home in a couple of days and he could picture the look on his husband's face when he discovered Blaine's absence. But Blaine knew he had to do it, for himself, and for both of them. They had lost their way somehow and their relationship had morphed into something that it shouldn't have been, a dead, empty shell of what had once been a great love.

He turned around, looking one last time at the empty house, his eyes dropping to the small table in the living room. The picture of their wedding was still there, he had moved it from the bedroom one night when the absence of Kurt had been too much to bear. He kept it close to his heart while watching their favorite TV show, trying to bring back some of the happiness he felt the day they were married.

He wanted to go back to that feeling.

He wanted the days spent in bed, eating junk food and watching stupid reality TV. He wanted back the absolute certainty of forever. Without thinking it over too much, he took the photo-frame in his hands. Maybe, having something reminding him of what they were would have helped him find his way back. Then with a final sigh, Blaine was out the door.

The journey to Kate's apartment was long and unbearable. Blaine counted, one by one, the miles separating him from his home, but he knew in his heart, it was the right thing to do. They needed time.

The look his assistant gave him, opening the door, was sad and understanding at the same time. "Blaine."

"I need a place to stay for a while," he said keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Come on in," Kate muttered grabbing one of his bags. She lead him to the couch, sitting down right beside him. "What happened?"

He could tell she was concerned, it was a show of affection he wasn't sure he could handle. "I left, " his answer was straight, simple, and it would have been enough, but he went on.

"He didn't come home for Christmas." Blaine could feel Kate's eyes on him. "He sent me a text, telling me he wouldn't make it," he explained with a sarcastic laugh, "God, we've been together fourteen years, and he used a text to tell me he wouldn't come home for Christmas. Like he was asking me to buy coffee or something else as trivial."

"Oh Blaine-" She cooed sympathetically.

"I know" he cut her off. "I know you warned me. I know I should have talked to him about it before, and made him understand how I've been feeling. But I didn't think... I'd never thought we'd end like this. I couldn't have imagine that I'd be left alone." He rubbed his palms against his eyes to shake the tiredness away. They were dry. It was strange how in the worst moment of his life, he had become numb.

Kate slid closer to him, taking his hand. "I wasn't about to say that," she insisted, "have you called him, have you talked to him?"

"No" he answered honestly, trying to convince himself that he had made the right choice. "No, I couldn't. It hurts too much. I would hurt him by saying things I don't mean."

"Or that you don't want to mean.." she trailed off.

"Kate.." he warned.

"Blaine please, listen to me." She said, not allowing any room for him to argue. "I know you love Kurt. I know your story, and I've witnessed some of the most important moments of your life. But you were alone on Christmas, we both know that is not something the Kurt you fell in love with would ever let happen."

They fell silent. Blaine knew she was right, yet he couldn't force himself to face his husband. "I don't have the strength to talk to him," he whispered, his gaze not wavering from Kate's eyes. "I'm scared. I don't want to rush into things, just because I'm hurting."

"Like leaving home?"

"No, like letting him go forever." It was terrifying. Knowing that in that moment, in his mind, leaving Kurt forever was the right thing to do, something he'd never imagined happening. He closed his eyes, trying to move past that moment, to be strong. But then he felt arms around him, hugging him, and it was enough to make him let go. He cried for his marriage, for Kurt, for their love. He cried for those months of loneliness he'd spent trying to be strong. Now that the dam had broke, every emotion was rushing out of him, leaving him breathless and without strength. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he mumbled again and again.

Kate's voice was the only thing able to break through the hurt that was fogging his heart. "It's going to be ok, you'll see. You'll fix this, I promise." It was too hard to believe those words. He couldn't, not then when he was one step away from the end of his marriage and his heart was naked and vulnerable.

He couldn't tell how long they stayed there, hugged tight around each other, his tears flowing freely. But somehow, the hurt he was feeling changed. It became more tolerable, less raw. Constant and strong but over all less detrimental. "Thank you for being here for me." He said softly, it was less than a whisper and lost in a sea of heart-wrenching sobs.

"Don't be silly, Blaine." Kate said soothingly, "You're my best friend. I'll stand by you, no matter what."

Somehow, that statement calmed him enough so he understood. He wasn't alone, and he was grateful for that. For having someone to count on in the next few days, while waiting for Kurt to find out that he'd moved out. He knew he'd have to call his husband, to tell him that he was OK, but for now, it was over. He knew Kurt would understand, sooner or later. Because no matter what, he was still the person who knew Blaine better than anyone else in the world and he would understand that Blaine staying would have been worse. It was so much better this way, it was better for him to take some time to consider what to do. There was no need for feelings of hopelessness yet. Although that knowledge didn't stop him from locking himself in the room he was staying in to cry the last tears he had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it for now. Please please pretty pleeeeeease, let me know what you think .  
> The song at the beginning is Incomplete by the amazing BSB.
> 
> In the next chapter: Will Kurt explain his reasons? Burt to the rescue!!


	3. Who knew?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> This chapter is from Kurt's point of view, and enlightens some of the things that went through Kurt's head during the year he and Blaine have been apart.
> 
> Courtesy of Burt of course!
> 
> And since I have posted more chapters on ff.net and some bully around here has decided to spoil my fic for the rest of you, I have decided to post all the chapters at once and to update all the websites together.
> 
> enjoy!!
> 
> all the love and more..  
> Mary

3

_If someone said three years from now_

_You'd be long gone_

_I'd stand up and punch them out_

_Cause they're all wrong and_

_That last kiss_

_I'll cherish until we meet again_

_And time makes it harder_

_I wish I could remember_

_But I keep your memory_

_You visit me in my sleep_

_My darling who knew_

 

" _I have no intention whatsoever of buying that monstrosity, Blaine. It's just plain ugly!" huffed Kurt trying to move on from the furniture store._

" _Oh come on. It's perfect" exclaimed Blaine pointing to the hand-shaped, bright pink loveseat that they were NOT going to buy. "Perfect for snuggling, watching a movie together under a blanket. To take a nap, before dinner." He moved closer to Kurt, reaching out for his hand and giving him a look, one Kurt knew all too well, as he continued. "We could do a lot of things on that love-seat," he suggested in a low voice._

_Kurt sighed. There was nothing that could better convince him than Blaine's suggesting voice, or rather, nothing more convincing than the implications he made with that voice._

" _OK" he conceded. "But... if we ever break up, I'm going to set this thing on fire, be prepared," he warned._

_Blaine's face lit up in an excited smile. "I like this plan," he announced, kissing Kurt in the middle of the street. It was quick, simple, but full of feeling. Something Kurt still wasn't used to, even after all of the years they had been together. "And I have no intention of leaving you, ever!" announced Blaine, taking his hands and leading him into the store._

 

"Kurt, it's time to wake up, buddy."

"Not yet, please," Kurt murmured unwilling to leave the happy memories of his dream.

He could feel his father's gaze on him, watching him closely. He knew that Burt wouldn't judge him, that no matter what, despite the opinions he had on his life and his choices, his father would support him.

"You you haven't left this bed since you've been back. It's been two weeks." Burt voice was kind, but firm.

Kurt looked at his father, trying to clear his sleep-rimmed eyes.

"Yes I have, a few times," he mumbled, hiding his face against his pillow.

He shouldn't have given Burt that spare key. Or Rachel. The last couple of days had been a vortex of visits and pep-talks, and pleas for him to get back on his feet.

He was contemplating the idea of ignoring his father completely when the older man started talking again.

"To do what, go to the bathroom?" he asked. "Or those rare times you decide it's important to eat? Kurt, this is no way to fix your marriage."

"And what do you want me to do?" Kurt asked sitting up, trying not to let his irritation show. "Blaine doesn't answer my phone calls or my texts. He closed his clinic indefinitely, and I have no idea where he could be. Nobody has spoken with him, and after that last phone call... I have no idea if I'm ever going to see him again."

Burt stayed quiet. Maybe, Kurt thought, it had finally gotten through to him, that there was nothing he could do, unless Blaine decided to come back home.

"You could take care of yourself."

_Or maybe not_ , he thought with a sigh.

"Pardon me, if I don't have the strength to do anything. It's hard to get used to the idea of being alone after all this time."

He heard Burt sigh, and then felt the bed shift as he sat down beside him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nooo.." he wailed, covering his face with a pillow. He loved his father with everything he had, but in that moment, loneliness seemed like a pretty sweet deal to him. "I don't want to talk about it. I want to stay here, crying and reminiscing, and thinking over everything that went wrong."

"You're going to have to talk about it sometime," Burt answered back. "Wouldn't it be better for it to be with someone who loves you? Someone who's not going to judge you?" A heavy silence stretched between them for a moment, and then his father spoke again. "You knew things with Blaine were getting bad, didn't you?" It wasn't a question, just a simple statement. Burt had known it all along. He'd seen Blaine give up, maybe even before Kurt did himself.

"I hoped I was wrong," he whispered. "I hoped that if we pretended that everything was fine, we'd eventually move past it."

"But you didn't."

Kurt shook his head. "I pushed him too far away, I made him suffer and put up with so much, and then..." he stopped, trying to think clearly. "And then in last weeks, things got really bad. We barely talked. I didn't know what to do, so I buried myself with my work. I tried ignoring our problems. I knew Blaine was here, and that he would wait for me, and when I came back we'd fix everything."

Burt remained silent. Kurt knew his father. He knew Burt was giving him the chance to talk. To see things through.

"Then Christmas came," he went on, his voice no more than a whisper. "And I didn't have the courage to come home, I knew that things wouldn't be the way they were before, and that Blaine wouldn't be the husband I left a year ago. I convinced myself that there was no way that I could go home because I was needed at work, and I texted Blaine. I sent him a text, dad!" exclaimed Kurt desperate. "How pathetic is that? And now he hates me. He hates me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't erase the last year, or the fact that the most wonderful man in the whole wide world, has spent Christmas alone, when he should have been with me. Happy and finally together again" he cried.

That was what he regretted the most.

He knew Blaine didn't have many happy Christmases to remember. The ones with his family were often spent with his nanny or his brother, waiting for his mom and dad to come back from their business trips.

Because of that, it was only dinner that they got to have together.

It was the reason Blaine had loved being with the Hummel's on holidays so much. They were days dedicated to their family. It was something he'd never had, something he'd always wanted so badly that it hurt to see it finally in front of him.

"Blaine couldn't hate you." Burt's stated, bringing Kurt back to reality. "He'll come back eventually."

"I wish you were right."

"Has he ever given you reason to doubt that?" His father asked. "Blaine followed you to New York without a second thought. He waited for you, while you were chasing your dreams."

"You're not helping dad." Kurt said, trying desperately to make the conversation stop.

Reminding him of all the sacrifices Blaine had made for him was only making things worse.

"Trust your love, Kurt. Trust the life you've shared. Give him time. He's confused and scared that your marriage is over..." Burt trailed off with a sigh. Then he continued.. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad but..."

At that point Kurt doubted that there was anything able to make him feel more miserable. That was until his father went on.

"Blaine lost his spark in this last year. He's become a shadow of himself. He couldn't sing, he couldn't smile. He wasn't living anymore."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kurt asked irritated, getting up. He reached the window, looking outside.

"Because you weren't here, Kurt. And if you want to fix your marriage you have to deal with the repercussions for your decisions. You have to know what you're going to find when you see him, because the Blaine you're going to see, is not the one you married. He will be sad, and hostile, and full of resentment. But it's just a mask, to protect himself."

"From what?!"

"From you, Kurt."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears.

"How could I do something like this?" he asked himself.

"You made some mistakes," Burt answered. "It happens to the best of us. But instead of facing them you decided to wait, you knew Blaine would wait. You couldn't have imagined that he would have given up. But tell me something," he said getting close to Kurt. "Do you still love Blaine?"

"With all my heart."

The question seemed almost an irreverence to him. How could he not love Blaine?

How could he not love the man that he was and the boy that he'd been.

The sixteen year old who gave him a gum wrapper ring for Christmas. The boy who'd saved every penny he could to take him to Paris for his twenty-first birthday.

The man who held his hand, without letting go through his father's first heart attack. They hadn't even been a couple back then, and yet Blaine had been there for him. By hugging him and holding him, he gave him the comfort he needed. By lending a shoulder to cry on and to sleep on while they were waiting for news from the doctors, he had given him hope.

The man, who had knelt before him, and asked him to be his forever.

No, he couldn't give up. Not now, not ever.

He didn't know how, but somehow he was going to convince Blaine to come back to him.

Nothing in the world was worth fighting over. Nothing was worth losing Blaine over.

"Thanks, dad" Kurt sighed, looking into his father's eyes. "Thank you for asking me what I was too afraid to ask myself."

Burt hugged him then. And Kurt held on as tightly as he could. Trying to find the strength to pick up his life back up. It was right then, that his cell-phone beeped.

A text. He moved out of his father's embrace to pick it up. Then his breath caught. It was Blaine.

In a moment, a million thoughts crossed his mind. What if Blaine had finally decided he'd had enough? What if didn't want to see him anymore? What if that text, contained the details of his divorce lawyer?

There was no way to know, but to read.

**Central Park, Sunday, 8:00 AM**

Nothing more, but it was enough.

Because finally, he was going to see Blaine after all these months. They could talk. And he could convince him to come back home.

He smiled.


	4. Fire with fire

4

_It used to seem we were number one_

_But now it sounds so far away_

_I had a dream we were running from_

_Some blazing arrows yesterday_

 

There was something in that little corner of Central Park that used to calm him down.

Maybe it was the silence of the early morning hours, when even "the city that never sleeps" seemed to take a moment just to breathe. A moment of rest.

Maybe it was the sound of the wind, rushing through the trees, light and delicate. Always there, always consistent.

Blaine used to love that place, that bench. He'd spent long hours sitting there, just enjoying himself and his life. Alone or with Kurt, drinking coffee or reading the paper, trying to figure out his problems.

That spot had a special place in his heart, it was like a magical place, hidden in the heart of the city, where anything could happen.

And yet, that morning, even his beloved bench couldn't weave its spell.

It'd been two weeks since the last time he'd spoken to Kurt. Long days spent in a constant mix of frustration and anger, and in between crying and desperation, there was loneliness.

He'd never felt so bad. He'd never thought he would lose so much.

The first days after that phone call had been terrible, trying so hard to stop himself from calling Kurt again.

He'd spent those days in bed, trying to survive the hurt he was feeling. Waiting for it to become tolerable.

But it hadn't been enough. It was clear to Blaine, that the only way to be able to move on was to see his husband again. To talk to him, and clear things up once and for all. Saying the things they hadn't said in the year they'd been apart.

"I noticed you didn't have your coffee."

Kurt's voice brought him out of his reverie. He lift his gaze from the ground.

It had been so long since he'd seen him and the image of his husband finally in front of him took his breath away.

Kurt didn't look much better than him. He had red-rimmed eyes, his face was even paler than usual. He was so close. Close enough for him to touch, close enough that he could reach his hand out and take Kurt's. Close enough to hug and to kiss.

He reached for the cup of coffee Kurt was handing him, being careful of not touching his fingers. He wasn't sure it was something he could handle.

He noticed Kurt was still wearing their ring. In a moment of extreme cynicism, he asked himself for how long that would be.

"Thanks," he muttered. He didn't have the courage to look him in the eyes. He could feel his heart beating fast in his chest, and his hands sweating. He could feel Kurt's proximity in his veins, it was like finally having oxygen in his blood.

He kept silent watching Kurt sitting by his side.

He could feel the anger rising again, they'd been together for more than a decade, and yet they didn't know what to say to each other.

When the silence became unbearable, Kurt cleared his throat.

"It's nice to see you" he started, then stopped.

They both knew it was a rehearsed speech. Kurt had probably tried every possible phrase in his mind on the way there. Blaine knew him. He could tell when his husband was forcing himself to talk.

He decided to ignore Kurt's gesture of politeness, and try with honesty.

"I wasn't sure, it was the right thing to do. Seeing each other again" he explained. He heard Kurt's breath catch and start again, faster than before. "But I was reaching the breaking point. Everything was getting worse. Every little problem seemed tenfold in my mind, impossible to fix," he continued looking right in front of him. "I needed to see you. I needed to know... to know where we are, what we are. If there's anything left to save."

He turned his gaze to Kurt, who was watching now with tear-filled eyes.

"Blaine..."

Blaine shook his head. He needed to talk. To say what was in his heart, before he lost his thoughts in a thousand different feelings.

"Right now, I feel like it's all over," he went on. "I can't see a future, I don't have any hope. I lost faith in what we were." He closed his eyes, trying to control himself. "I don't have faith in our love anymore." He whispered, almost broken. "I wish I was able to yell at you, to be furious. I wish I could bring myself to care enough to cry and hate you. Because even that, right now, would be better than this numbness that's lived inside of me for the past months." He took a breath, then another. "These weeks have been hell, Kurt. They've taken everything I had. There's nothing but this huge void inside of me. Sometimes it seems to take your shape," he kept his gaze on a woman who was jogging in front of them, following her with his eyes until she was out of sight. "I watched _A Christmas Carol_ on Christmas. I was sitting on our love-seat, under our favorite blanket, and every minute that ticked by, seemed to solidify in my heart that our marriage was over. You probably didn't even notice," he shot with a sarcastic laugh. "You were having fun, with the very people you said were petty. Which reminds me," he said, his voice now flat. "Someone was kind enough to post some pictures of that night on your page. You seemed to be having fun. Lots of drinks, lots of people. I thought you had work, but I guess I was wrong, right?"

He stopped, waiting for an answer.

Kurt was watching him. He seemed ready to flee.

"Wasn't I?" he asked again. "Didn't you have fun that night, Kurt?"

"Blaine.." Kurt whispered. "I will never forgive myself for that. For leaving you alone. I've been a coward, I know. I didn't want to face our problems so..."

"So?" Blaine stopped him. "You thought attending a party while I was waiting for you at home would be the right thing to do."

"I didn't know you didn't go to my parents house, I was convinced you were in Lima," Kurt tried to defend himself.

"Like I could have borne their pitying looks. Like I could have spent Christmas with a family that was not mine anymore," he whispered.

Kurt didn't seem to get the point. It wasn't just that he'd been left alone, but that Kurt had took away from him the only family he'd ever had.

Because he knew, there was no amount of love, that would keep Burt and Carol in his life, once their marriage was over.

"Blaine, look at me, please." It was no more than a whisper, but even with all the hurt he'd been feeling he couldn't keep himself from doing as Kurt asked.

"Burt and Carol are your family- I am your family. Even if right now, it doesn't feel like it. I know I made a mistake, but we can still fix this."

Blaine closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to believe him. That there was still a chance for them. But months of loneliness and hurt had taken the strength away from him.

He knew he was a different man now, he didn't see things the same way, he didn't want to love anymore.

"I'm not trying to hurt you," Blaine said then. "It's the last thing I'd want, no matter what. But I need to tell you this. I need for you to hear it, because we can't move on unless we put what we feel out in the open." He sighed looking Kurt straight in the eyes. "Our marriage is over."

"No, Blaine. Please." Kurt's voice was broken, tearful. It broke Blaine's heart. "I don't know who I am without you."

Blaine put his hand against Kurt's cheek, drying his tears.

"We'll find our way, Kurt" he promised. "You'll see. But to be us again, I have to be myself first. And I have to do this on my own."

"No, no Blaine please" Kurt sobbed. "What you need to do, is to come back home and face our problems."

Blaine recoiled.

"Like you did?" he asked.

Kurt shook his head. "Just because I made a mistake it doesn't mean you have to do the same. You say I left you alone, but you're doing the same. You gave up, Blaine, and you can't put all the blame on me for that."

Blaine knew he was right. "I should have talked to you" he admitted then. "You started this thing, but I didn't fight it. And this is not me. I don't know who I am anymore" he whispered, letting go for the first time of the tears he'd tried to hold.

Showing his feelings for the first time in front of his husband.

Then the silence fell between them. When Kurt tried to take his hand he stood up.

He knew there was more to say, and more to face, but he just couldn't anymore.

With a last look to the man he'd love above anything else, he turned around and left, without looking back.


	5. Tonight I wanna cry

5

_Alone in this house again tonight_

_I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine_

_There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me_

_The way that it was and could have been surrounds me_

_I'll never get over you walkin' away_

 

Seven weeks, six days, thirteen hours ago.

That was the last time he'd seen Blaine.

They hadn't crossed paths when Blaine had packed his last things and had left him his keys, they hadn't communicated in any way to decide what to do about the expenses of the house.

Kurt had no idea how his husband was, where he lived, or with whom he lived with.

He had no idea if their situation was definite.

Blaine had told him he needed some time. How much? Kurt had no idea.

His father had called a couple of days earlier to tell him that he'd met Blaine for coffee. That younger man had wanted to apologized to him over his disappearance and for how things were between them.

It was clear- Kurt was the only one who wasn't allowed to talk to him.

That was ok with him, it really was, but he was becoming more impatient by the day.

His heart and mind were at war.

If a part of him kept telling himself that Blaine had waited for him, for a year, another part was more scared. Scared that waiting was the wrong thing to do. Terrified that the more time they let pass, the harder it would be to fix things.

He had to fight everyday to stop himself from visiting Blaine at his clinic. He wanted to see him so desperately it hurt. A peek would be enough, just to make sure he was ok. But he knew he had to wait. He knew he owed Blaine that much.

Now, two months later, his control was beginning to slip.

He'd moved on with his life, he'd found a job as editor for an online magazine, he'd gone out with Rachel and Santana a couple of times, but it wasn't the same. Nothing was right.

Kurt was missing the spark that ignited his life.

So he started walking to Central Park every Sunday morning. At the bench he knew was Blaine's favorite, fearing and hoping at the same time to meet him.

Nothing had happened.

After the third month, he decided that it was time to take matters in his own hands.

If Blaine didn't want to make the first move, it was fine. It would have been up to Kurt to force him to talk to him again.

He'd go find his husband, after hours at the clinic, he decided one night. They would talk, and maybe they would yell, and surely they would fight. But everything would be better than this hideous silence.

Decision made.

A phone call changed everything.

The clock on the nightstand showed it was barely 4AM, when the shrill sound of the phone woke him with a start.

Kurt knew, a late night phone call, couldn't bring any good news.

He'd learned that lesson when he'd been eight, and the phone had rang through the silent house, to announce that his mother was no longer with them.

Or ten years later, when Burt had called at 2AM, to tell him to pack, because his brother Finn had been in an accident.

So Kurt knew, without a doubt that whatever the reason, phone call in the middle of the night would hurt him in some way.

He wasn't wrong.

The phone kept ringing.

Kurt sat up in the middle of the bed, his heart pounding in his chest. A million questions raising in his mind.

What if it was about his father? He asked himself. What if Burt had another heart attack? What if this time he hadn't survived?

He reached for the phone, his hand trembling.

"Hello?" he asked warily.

"Mr. Hummel?" asked a tired voice on the other side of the line.

"This is him," he replied while his sleepy brain tried to make sense of the words he was hearing.

"Mr. Hummel" the woman continued. "My name is Beth, I'm calling you from the Lenox Hill hospital. We've admitted a couple of hours ago a Mr. Blaine Anderson? You were listed as an emergency contact. Is that correct?"

"I..." Kurt stopped, incapable of going on. All his brain could process was that Blaine was in a hospital, most likely injured. Fear gripped every part of him leaving him breathless. It was 4AM and Blaine was in a hospital, it was 4AM and Kurt had no idea how to snap out of his own mind.

"Is he ok?" he finally asked in a whisper. Because it couldn't be, could it? If Blaine was dead, he would have known. He would have felt it.

He would have recognized a world without Blaine. The earth would have stopped moving, and the sun shining. His heart would have broken into a million pieces.

He would have felt it.

"Your husband is stable," the woman, Beth, answered. "But we need you to come here as soon as possible. There are decisions to make, and the doctors need to talk to you."

"What happened, why was he admitted? I don't understand.." he murmured confused. "It's the middle of the night, what happened?" he asked again.

"Mr. Hummel, your husband was found unconscious in his office. The night guard called for an ambulance. It seems he was assaulted."

It was becoming harder by the second to breath. Kurt tried to keep control of himself, to let fear not get to him.

Because after all Blaine was _alive._

"I'll be right over," he said almost on autopilot. "I'll be right over."

He couldn't remember much of the ride to the hospital. He didn't remember calling Rachel, who'd been there waiting for him when he arrived.

"Have you heard anything?" he asked almost jumping out of the taxi and running towards the admittance desk.

Rachel shook her head.

"They wouldn't tell me anything, I'm not a family member."

Her voice seemed to be resigned and Kurt knew why. Because they _were_ family. Him, Rachel and Blaine had been friends since high school. They'd always been there for each other. To deny Rachel that information was like they had denied him.

"Blaine Anderson?" he asked to the girl behind the desk, panic running through his veins. Because in the forty minutes it took him to get to the hospital everything could have happened.

The woman looked at him.

"Your name, Sir?"

"Kurt Hummel-Anderson" he answered. He didn't often use his entire name, but he was sure this way, he'd get to Blaine faster.

The nurse caught his relationship with Blaine immediately.

"Your husband is stable, Mr. Hummel." She moved her gaze to the double door that led inside the Emergency room. "Here's Dr. Miles" she announced watching the man getting closer. "He's the doctor who took care of you husband. Dr. Miles, this is Mr. Hummel-Anderson. Mr. Anderson's husband."

The man, not a day over fifty, with thick black glasses and grey hair, approached him with a worried look.

"How's my husband?" Kurt asked hoping to get more information this time.

"Your husband's condition is severe, but he is stable" the doctor answered, rubbing his eyes. "When he was brought in, he had multiple contusions which were most likely caused by a serious beating. We weren't sure how serious his condition was, but after a thorough examination we were able to discern some internal bleeding and stop it, he also had several bones broken and they ones that needed to be set have been. If things go as predicted your husband will recover completely. It will take time, and patience, but he will get there."

Kurt inhaled deeply, and for the first time in an hour he finally felt like he could breathe. Only when he felt Rachel grabbing him by the waist he realized his knees had given out.

"Can I see him?" he asked fighting his weakness.

The Doctor nodded showing him the way.

"Room 301. You have ten minutes, after that you can stay the night, but your friend has to go home, hospital policy. The police will probably want your deposition," he continued but Kurt wasn't listening to him anymore.

Because once he reached the door, the only thing he could hear was the sound of the beeping machines from Blaine's room.

He couldn't see him but he knew Blaine was behind that door. Blaine was there, hurt and unconscious, and Kurt lost his courage.

Rachel held his hand tighter.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered. "Blaine is strong. He'll pull through."

But her voice was unsure, and Kurt couldn't find any comfort in her words.

He let go of her and pushing open the door he went in.

The room wasn't much different from any other hospital room. White walls, white curtains, with cabinets. A chair was situated in a corner.

Too many different kind of beeping machines were disturbing the silence. Then his eyes moved to his husband and every other thought disappeared leaving room only to fear and despair.

Blaine looked, as cliché as that sounded, incredibly young in that hospital bed. His curls were covered in blood-stained bandages. His chest, naked, was covered in bruises and wrapped in a tight white stripe that was probably keeping his ribs together.

His hands were scratched, like he'd fought his attacker.

"Oh my God," he whispered while tears begun streaking his face again. He got close to the bed, taking the man's hand. "Blaine" he cried. "My love, what have they done to you?"

Sobs were know wrecking his body, but he let them free.

Because although Blaine was hurt, he was alive. And seeing him, in that moment, it seemed a miracle.

He couldn't breathe on his own, he noticed looking at the machines that were surrounding him. He touched his face delicately, trying not to disturb him then put a hand on his chest.

He knew there was a machine beeping in time with Blaine's heartbeat, but he needed that contact to reassure himself that Blaine's heart was still beating. That he was still there.

"You'll get better soon, you'll see" he promised. "We'll get you better in no time."

Then a thought struck him, leaving him breathless.

And what if Blaine didn't want him around for that? What if Blaine was still set on been apart from him? That their marriage was over?

"Blaine?"

Kate's voice brought him back to reality.

She'd entered the room silently, her eyes were full of tears. Kurt couldn't find the words to ease her fears.

"He'll be fine," Rachel reassured her. And her voice was so sure, Kurt found himself believing her as well.

Then there was silence.

"How has he been?" Kurt asked after a while.

Kate turned her gaze to Blaine then back to him.

"Like you, I'd imagine," she said. "At first he didn't talk much. He cried and yell, he used to close himself in his room for days. He broke a couple of vases that I loved," she said with a smile. "I'm sorry I lied to you, when you asked me where he was." She admitted. "Blaine thought it would be better that way."

When Kurt didn't say anything she continued. "Lately he's been calmer. Sad, but less desperate. He was making peace with himself. With his mistakes. He was talking about you more."

Kurt nodded without saying a word.

The truth was, in that moment, he was sure that Blaine was done with him.

He knew, on a purely egotistical level that Blaine crying less meant that he was getting over him. He was getting past their break up and moving on with his life.

"Blaine loves you."

He shook his head at Rachel's words.

"Love is not enough."

Love hadn't been able to keep them together. Love had pushed him to make mistakes and had pushed Blaine to let go.

Love in the end, had broke them.

"He loves you" confirmed Kate. "He just needs time."

Time, time, time.

It was the one thing Blaine had asked. The one thing Kurt was having problems giving.

He was impatient, and he was in love. Kurt didn't want to wait for "soon" or "a year". He didn't want a "never."

But looking at his husband, broken and unconscious, Kurt was ready to wait an eternity if that's what it took.


	6. Greatest story ever told

6

 _And if I lived a thousand years_  
You know I never could explain  
The way I lost my heart to you  
that day  


 

" _You don't have to stay."_

" _Don't be silly."_

" _Really_ Kurt..!"

" _Really_ Blaine..." _huffed Kurt sitting down on Blaine's bed._

" _I know you and Michael have a date later. Go, I'll still be here when you'll be done" Blaine reassured him, trying to keep his tears at bay._

_The last thing he wanted was to be alone. He'd just told his dad that all the projects he had for his son were going to dissipate. That he didn't want to be a lawyer after all and he needed his best friend._

_But Kurt had a date, and love was supposed to come first, wasn't it?_

_It didn't matter that Blaine had been in love with him since day one. Kurt didn't want him. He wanted Michael._

_Kurt looked at him with a serious expression on his face._

" _I'm not going" he reiterated._

" _Please," Blaine whispered without looking him in the eyes. "Go."_

_He could tell Kurt was confused._

" _Are you sure?" his best friend asked after a bit of silence._

_Blaine nodded. He felt the bed shift and Kurt move towards the door._

" _I'll call you later?"_

_Blaine nodded again, offering him a tremulous smile._

" _Have fun."_

_The door closed with a light click and Blaine finally let go. He fell on the bed, letting the tears fall freely, whimpering against his pillow._

_He didn't want to be the disappointing son. He didn't want to hurt his family, but he had dreams. He had ambitions he wanted to be realized._

_His dad hadn't said much that day; he'd just looked at him in a way he'd never seen before. He knew his dad wouldn't say anything, even later on. He knew his father's disappointment would have been quiet, but he could see it there, in his eyes._

_He let the guilt drown him, then a voice startled him._

" _You are an idiot!" yelled an angry Kurt._

_Blaine sat on the bed confused, watching Kurt looking absolutely furious._

" _Kurt?"_

" _Do you really think that I would leave you alone to go on a date? I can't believe you chose to keep this hurt to yourself" he continued without giving him the chance to answer. "There's no one more important than you to me, Blaine. You should know this by now. Of all the friends I could have found, I had to go and pick the one who thinks he's not important enough to have a shoulder to cry on. You know what? Why don't I go partying next time you feel miserable? How about that? It could be our thing. You cry and I have fun. It will probably compensate the universe in some weird way for.."_

" _I love you" he cut in, with a whisper._

_The words flew from his mouth before he could even think about stopping them._

_Kurt went silent, his face a picture of astonishment._

_Then, before the panic could actually set in, he found himself laid back on the bed again._

_Kurt had flung himself at him, his arms tight around Blaine, his face hid against his shoulder. He was saying something. Words Blaine couldn't make out. It took a couple of tries to understand._

" _I love you too, you idiot."_

The smell of antiseptic was the first thing he recognized.

He'd spent enough hours as an intern at the County Hospital to recognize it. When he opened his eyes, the light coming from the window almost blinded him.

He couldn't feel a thing, and Blaine knew a thing or two about pain to be worried.

He knew it was never causeless. He knew that most of the time, it was inversely proportional to the damage received. That often, the lightest cut was the one that hurt the most.

It was the reason why, the first thought that crossed his mind, was that his wounds had to be serious.

Because all he could feel, was an annoying numbness.

His mind was still fogged and he could remember just bits and pieces of what had happened. Faded images of fear and hits, then darkness.

He flexed his fingers, in a weak attempt to move his hand, but every single finger seemed to weight a ton. It was then that he realized that his hand was trapped underneath another one.

Kurt's hand.

There was no doubt in his mind. No matter the amount of drugs and painkillers he was under, he knew.

He turned toward his husband, asking himself since when he'd been there. How much fear had Kurt suffered, watching him unconscious on a hospital bed, bruised and beaten? Dead to the world?

He knew that in a reversed situation, he wouldn't have survived.

It'd been months since their breakup. No, he amended. Since _he_ had broken up with _Kurt_. It'd been his idea to take some time, and he was still sure that it had been the right decision. The last weeks had taught him how reliant on his husband he had become. How much of himself he'd sacrificed to be what everyone had wanted him to be.

He'd learned to decide for himself again. To walk on his own feet and think with his head. But he'd missed Kurt so much.

He'd lived half of a life without him, but he still couldn't make himself forgive.

He watched Kurt sigh, asleep on a chair that had to be uncomfortable, his face a mask of worry.

He had no idea about his husband whereabouts. If Kurt had gone back to Los Angeles to finish his internship. Blaine hoped he did. He hoped that leaving him free, had made Kurt understand who he was and what he wanted, without Blaine to keep him from flying.

He moved his hand trying to get Kurt attention. His husband eyes opened in an instant and Blaine found himself trapped by the cerulean eyes he loved so much.

For the first time, he was coming to realize how much he'd really missed the other man.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered getting up and closer to him. The hand holding his tightened its grip and Kurt's eyes filled with tears.

It was hard for Blaine to even breathe, but he had to let his husband know he was there, that he was conscious, so he moved. It was barely noticeable, but it was enough for Kurt to break down completely.

"Oh my God, Blaine.." Kurt's voice was wrecked with worry and probably a good deal of crying. He touched Blaine's face, in a sweet gesture. "You have no idea," he continued. "No idea of how worried I've been. The doctor said you would be fine, but it took you so long to come back."

Blaine frowned.

"You've been unconscious for three days," Kurt explained. "But you'll be fine now."

Kurt's smile was watery and tremulous at best, but Blaine could only respond in with a smile of his own.

"Th…" he tried to formulate the words he wanted to say but his throat wouldn't work. He tried again. "Thank you" he whispered.

But it had to be the wrong thing to say, or maybe the right one, as Kurt broke down in tears again, giving way to all the fear and frustration he'd felt in those days.

"Mr. Anderson" announced the doctor who had taken care of him on his arrival. "You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?"

There were lots of people in his room. Maybe too many.

Doctors and nurses, Kurt, and now nearby the door, a couple of cops.

"I'm fine" he replied. His voice still rough. Breathless. He saw Kurt giving him an unimpressed stare and amended.. "A little pain here and there. On my legs mostly."

"Your legs suffered a severe trauma" explained the doctor. "You will have to rest for a few weeks. You are a doctor yourself, so you know the drill."

And he did. Blaine knew exactly what was going to happen. He knew that after months of fighting for his independence, he was back to needing someone in his life.

He was back to the start.

"There are two gentlemen who want to talk to you" continued Dr. Miles, glancing towards the police men. One of the two, took a step forward.

"Mr. Anderson," he greeted with a nod. "We would like to talk to you alone for your deposition."

Blaine watched as every single person in the room left, except for Kurt.

He seemed confused. Unsure of what his place in Blaine's life was.

"Kurt?" he called. His husband lifted his gaze from the floor. "I'd rather you didn't hear this."

"Let me stay please" he begged taking a step closer.

Blaine didn't know what to do.

He knew he needed Kurt to go through with this, but he didn't want to put the other man through the tale of that night. In the end he wasn't strong enough. He nodded, his heart beating wildly into his chest.

"Mr. Anderson" started the youngest of the cops. A man in his early thirties, with brown hair and dark eyes. "I'm officer Colson, and this" he continued indicating his colleague, "is Detective Mahoni. We're going to ask a few questions. Let's start with what you remember, from that night."

Blaine tried to get comfortable in his bed. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore all the stares he was receiving.

He didn't want to relive that night. All he wanted was to forget and move on.

"It was closing time" he started. "I'd sent Kate, my assistant, home because there were no more patients to see." He looked at Kurt. "I live with her now" he explained. Kurt's eyes were big and surprised with that new information. He went on.

"I was about to go home, but I realized I'd left my keys on the desk, so I went back inside. When I turned to leave again, there was a man on the door. He was standing between my office and the lobby. I could tell right away he was not a patient. He was shabby and dirty. He asked me for some morphine."

Around him everything was silent now. Not a single breath could be heard. He could feel Kurt rage and anxiousness reach him. He could feel his fear.

"I tried to explain I had none. That I was running a private clinic and that I had no drugs but he didn't believe me. He reached for me, grabbing my shirt. He kept on asking for his morphine. He threatened to kill me, if I didn't give it to him."

He stopped for a moment, trying to clear his thoughts, distracted by Kurt's heavy breathing. He knew that a look at his husband would have made him lose his composure. That he would have broke down and he couldn't. He had to finish first.

"That was the moment I realized that I had to fight for my life. But that man was probably running on adrenaline and withdrawals and there was nothing I could do. I tried to defend myself, but you can see that I've had no luck. At some point I lost consciousness."

"Would you be able to describe the man?" asked the detective at that point.

He shook his head.

"He was tall, a lot taller than me, dark, short hair."

"No recognizable features?" cut in Colson. "An accent, a scar. Anything."

"No" he answered resigned. "Nothing at all. Aside from the black eye I probably gave him."

"Do you remember how he was dressed?" asked the detective.

"Green jacket, light jeans. I don't remember anything else, I'm sorry."

Mahoni nodded getting up from his chair.

"We'll look into it. See if anyone knows anything. If there are security cameras near your clinic. But I have to warn you, the chances to catch him are very slim."

Blaine understood. He knew how things like this went.

That man was never going to be found. He was a shadow in the sea of drug addicts that the system wasn't able to manage. He was never going to get any justice. Never.

"If you'll excuse me now" he announced closing his eyes. "I'm tired, I'd like to rest."

He heard the cops leaving the room, followed by Kurt.

The thought of being trapped there, hurt and broken with no justice in sight, was depressing.

"They'll find him" promised Kurt closing the door behind him a few minutes later.

"No" he shot back, resentment and hurt laced in his voice. "No they won't."

The silence that followed, only made things worse. His mind was a jungle of thoughts and fears. Of anger and doubts.

"You should go" Blaine said after a while. "You must be tired. You've been here for a long time."

Silence again.

"Is that what you want? You want me to leave?"

"Kurt.."

" _Blaine.."_ Kurt bit back exasperated. And for a second, just for one moment, Blaine found himself back in high school. To the squabbles he loved so much. "I'm going to call Kate and Rachel" Kurt went on. "Then I'll be back and we'll discuss what we'll do next."

Blaine wanted to protest. To tell him that he had no right anymore, but he held his tongue.

Hurting Kurt was the last thing he wanted to do. Not after everything they'd been through. Not after the fear his husband had felt.

He nodded closing his eyes again. He could feel Kurt's sigh of relief, then the door opened.

Alone, exhausted and tried by the day, he fell asleep.


	7. Rain down on me

7

_So tell me where you are,_  
tell me how you feel.  
Tell me what you need,  
just tell me how you feel.  
And let it all just rain on me,  
Let it all just rain on me,  
Rain down on me.

 

When Kurt went back into the room, after a long and useless conversation with the two cops, Blaine was fast asleep.

They hadn't had any time to talk; they didn't know what was to happen next, and Kurt hated the flimsy position he seemed to have in his husband life.

It was hard, seeing him hurt. It was hard to think that the weeks ahead of them would be full of pain and anger.

And it was even harder to know that after everything he'd been through, Blaine would have to endure even more.

Kate and Rachel had come and visit during the day; but Blaine had slept through their visit and Kurt had preferred to let him rest.

He knew there was time for their friends to make sure he was OK; Blaine, as he kept telling himself, was going to be fine.

He spent the day making phone calls; asking Kate to transfer their patients to another doctor, informing his boss that he would need some time off. He wasn't sure he needed it; as far as he knew Blaine wanted nothing to do with him. But it was a possibility he didn't want to consider. Not now.

Sneaking a glance at his husband's peaceful face, he settled on the chair next to the bed and started typing. He had a piece to finish after all; but the words seemed to be stuck in his head, and he found himself constantly drifting away. Back to Blaine. Back to the man who'd almost beat him to death, leaving him bloodied and hurt and probably terrified.

Before he could realize what was happening, Kurt found himself shook by silent sobs, tears streaming endlessly down his face.

It was better this way, he told himself, drying his tears. Better to cry now, than letting Blaine see him breaking down.

Not when it was his husband who needed the support.

He took his hand and settled once again.

It was late at night when he decided to give up on his work completely.

His eyes were tired and red, and he couldn't see through the words he was writing.

He sighed and tried to massage his tiredness away.

It was useless.

"You should rest." Blaine's rough voice broke into the silence of the room.

Kurt tried and failed to smile.

"Would you? If our roles were reversed? Would you be able to rest?"

Blaine didn't answer and Kurt knew he'd made his point. He turned on the chair, resting his head on the pillow behind him, his eyes never leaving Blaine.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

Blaine closed his eyes, like he was trying to determine the right answer.

"Better" he said after a while. "And yet, worse."

Kurt's face must have shown his confusion because Blaine continued.

"I can feel my body again. And this is good. It means everything is working. But at the same time, I hurt everywhere."

An awkward silence fell between them.

"Are you still in L.A.?" Blaine asked.

That question took him by surprise. He'd been convinced that Blaine had known about his whereabouts all along. That Blaine had known that he'd given up his internship to stay in New York.

"N-no" he stuttered unsure. "Blaine..I.." he stopped trying to find the right words. "I left the internship months ago. I live here now, in our house. I'm working here.

"Oh.."

He could see the shock on Blaine's face. Like he'd never imagined something like this could happen. Like he'd never thought it possible that Kurt could have left his job for him.

And the worst part of it was, he really couldn't blame him for that.

After all, he'd made the wrong decision once before.

Then in a moment the atmosphere of the room changed. Blaine's face became cold in his fury.

"You made a mistake" Blaine hissed. "You should have gone back to Los Angeles. Finish what you started. Now everything's been for nothing."

Maybe, Kurt thought trying to breathe, a punch would have hurt less.

Was that, what Blaine really wanted? For him to leave and put an entire country between them?

"You are my husband" he answered trying to hold back the tears. "It's not worth it if I lose you."

Blaine huffed, irritated, but the expression on his face quickly become pained, sad..

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked. His voice laced with desperation. "I've let you go. I've let you free to fly, Kurt. Why in the hell did you come back?"

"I came back for you!" Kurt's eyes were determined now. Sure.

"No.. no.." Blaine seemed to be fighting himself. "I can't be the reason for this. You can't leave your job because of me."

"Well you are" Kurt bit back taking his hand. He held on to it, when Blaine tried to free himself from his grip.

"It's not enough.. I can't be enough for you.. You need something for yourself. Something away from me."

"You're all I need."

For one hopeful moment, Kurt saw his husband's reasons falter. He saw the need in his eyes, to put an end to all the pain his heart was feeling. But then, that moment was gone, and all that was left between them, was a horrible sense of resignation.

"Ok," Kurt whispered. "Ok." He repeated once again. "I'll give you all the time you need. I'll give you days, months, years. I'll give you forever, Blaine. But I'm not going anywhere."

He sat once again, trying to ignore the way Blaine was looking so pointedly away from him. Keeping him out of the walls of his heart.

He could feel the need to cry build again. The need to let go of his hurt, of the fear he'd felt, of the disappointment he was feeling.

"Kurt.."

Blaine's voice, low and worried, caught his attention. It was only then that he realized that silent sobs were shaking his body and there were tears once again on his face.

"I'm sorry" he whispered panicked. He stood, trying to find a way out. "I need a minute" he said making his way to the door. Then he left, ignoring Blaine's voice calling him back.

The trip to the bathroom seemed to take forever and left him without strength. He closed the door behind him, inhaled a couple of times and then, reaching for the toilet he threw up.

It was like his body was trying to get rid of every negative emotion it was feeling. It was horrible; horrible and highly unhygienic, and in another situation he would have never done something like this, but he found himself sitting on the floor; trying to calm his breath.

He didn't know what to do. He had no idea how to reach a compromise with Blaine, but he couldn't give up.

Not without a fight.

Because he knew with a certainty that shook him, that underneath it all.. Underneath all the pain and the fear there was still their love.

There was still them.

He stayed there for a while, trying to find a solution to their problem. When he felt himself being strong enough he stood. He washed his face, trying to clear his head and built up the courage he needed.

Courage.

Wasn't that what Blaine had always talked about?

The courage they'd shared, that had always made everything worth it.

He fixed himself and went back to Blaine's room.

He didn't lift his eyes when he went in. He didn't look at Blaine when he sat back on his chair and powered up his computer again.

He could feel Blaine's eyes on him but ignored it. He had to find a way to convince his husband to except his help, and give him another chance.

"I don't want to see you regret this in ten years. I don't want to see you look back and see all the things you missed because of me."

Blaine's voice, rough and tearful broke the silence between them.

"Do you really think I'd do something like that?" he asked.

"I didn't even think you'd be leaving me behind" Blaine answered hurt. "What I think, has nothing to do with what the truth is."

He didn't answer and Blaine glanced away once more.

"I'm sorry" he said after a while. "I still have all this rage inside of me.. And it seems to come out of nowhere."

"Sooner or later, you're going to have to stop punishing me, Blaine."

Blaine looked at him once again, confused.

"This has nothing to do with punishment, Kurt. I know it might seem like it, but it's not. I'm one hundred percent convinced that we have no idea who we are, away from each other, anymore and that we need to find out."

"And I don't see the problem with that." Kurt interjected. "I don't mind being one thing with you."

"I do." Blaine's voice was cold again. "I minded when I found myself alone, and I didn't know what to do with myself."

"It was a mistake," Kurt tried to defend himself once more. "Please Blaine; believe me when I say this. It won't happen again."

"I do.." Blaine answer was delivered without hesitation and finally the look in his eyes was vulnerable again. He could see the wall between them start cracking.

That was the moment to deliver the last shot, he decided.

They both knew that Blaine was going to be discharged only if he had someone with him all day long. And Kurt had no doubt who that someone should have been. He knew this was their last chance to fix their marriage.

"The doctors said you can go home in a couple of days" he reminded him. "You will need someone with you constantly. I want to be that person Blaine."

Admitting it had put him into a vulnerable position, he knew, but it was something he had to try. When Blaine didn't say no, he felt hope arise within him.

"I know you want your independence. I know you think that it will be walking backwards in your journey. But you're wrong. You'll always be you" he continued with all the conviction he could muster. "We don't have to go back together" he said with a tremulous voice, while everything in him was screaming to take that sentence back. He pushed forward. "Please give us the chance to clear everything between us. And give _me_ the chance to take care of you. Please," he begged taking Blaine's hand in his once again.

Blaine sighed, closing his eyes. A look of pain and confusion crossing his face. Then he opened them again. His hazel irises resting on him.

And Kurt knew, he'd made his decision.


	8. What do you want from me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we're up to date..  
> The next chapter will be up tomorrow.  
> Also.. I'd like to thank all of you for supporting my story and tell you that this fic though published once a day is completed. 14 chapters and an epilogue. I know most of us don't like to read work in progress for fear to be left hanging.  
> This won't be the case.
> 
> love you all..  
> Mary

_8_

_My greatest fear is_  
Maybe you will notice  
I'm not what you wanted  
after all these years  
But I, I've got a very big hope for us  
I'm gonna keep looking out for us  
It's been a difficult year

 

"Are you sure of this?" Kate asked for the millionth time since she'd arrived. "You don't have to feel like you have to do it, just because he's your husband, your Kurt. Are you really sure you want to go home with him?" She questioned again.

"No, I'm not'" Blaine answered, honesty showing in his voice.

He had no idea of what he was doing. What he did know, was that he'd said yes to Kurt in a moment of weakness. That his husband's words had shook him badly, opening a door in the wall he had built around his heart.

He still wasn't sure that going back home was a good idea, but he had to try.

"Then come back home with me. I'll be happy to take care of you Blaine, you know that. You're my best friend."

Blaine smiled.

"I know, but I have to do this. It might be a disaster though," he warned his assistant. "And in that case I will need you… and your bed." He finished trying to lighten the mood.

"So I'm a back-up plan now."

He could see the smile on Kate's face betraying her irritation, and he was glad for it. He was glad for the woman's presence in his life. She was a true friend and a woman to respect. And she had no fear to show him her disappointment over Kurt behavior.

When he'd first met her, years ago, the first thing she'd told him was that she had no intention of sleeping with him.

Ironic but to the point. Because as much as Kate had not picked of him being gay, Blaine had not realized that he'd just met his other half. Platonically speaking of course.

They'd quickly become best friends and in some occasions, Kurt himself had felt threatened by her presence in Blaine's life.

Kate had told him over and over again, in the last couple of years, to make himself be heard. To be himself, and not let his marriage forge who he was. Someone he didn't recognize and didn't want to be. But he had always pretended not to hear, not to know what she was talking about. And things weren't really different now.

With Kate begging him to do the best for himself, and Blaine trying to make everyone else happy.

"You'll have to find yourself another job for some time."

As far as distractions went, it wasn't his best effort, but it worked.

"I can afford to be out of a job for a couple of months, Blaine. I won't be able to do quite as much shopping, but I'll survive."

"It might take more time" he warned her.

"How much more? You didn't tell me it was this bad" she scolded him. "Blaine, when will you learn to say things the way they are?"

"It's not so bad, I promise. But it will take time."

"Time you want to spend with Kurt." She retorted.

Blaine rolled his eyes.

"Time that I will decide how to spend. Me. No one else. I never realized you were so annoying."

"Idiot!" She quipped.

"Bug!" He answered in turn.

After a few seconds of silence he found himself chocked into a hug.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Kate whispered.

"I'll miss you too. But you can always come visit." He offered.

"You know Kurt doesn't really like me."

Blaine's expression became serious again.

"Kurt has no problem with you" he lied. But he knew the truth. They both did. "And even if he did, he will have to cope. You're my best friend. You were here for me, when he wasn't. When no one was."

"I'll make myself lovable, I promise."

Blaine took his friend's hand in his.

"It's already so easy to love you" he whispered.

The door opening broke a conversation that was becoming, at least for him, too sweet.

"Can I come in?" asked a voice Blaine knew too well. His eyes filled with tears.

"Burt.." he called with a smile on his face. His ex father in law was alone. A little plant in his hand.

"Kurt stopped by, to talk to the doctors" Burt explained. He seemed how of place, like he wasn't sure to be welcomed. When he moved closer, Blaine felt Kate's hand hold his tighter, then let go.

"It's time for me to go" she announced. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Get a life" he retorted, but the smile on his face, showed every bit of love he felt for his friend. When Kate flipped him off without Burt noticing before fleeing the room, he broke into a laugh.

The door closing behind her left the room into an awkward silence.

"It's nice to see you" he tried. He'd missed Burt something fierce since he and Kurt had broken up, but he hadn't felt like keeping in touch. Burt was Kurt's father after all and it was the right thing to do to leave him out of this mess.

"It shouldn't have been a pleasure if you'd bothered calling. Or if you'd answered any of my calls" Burt scolded him taking a seat beside him.

"You know I couldn't. We talked about this when I was in Lima."

"And I told you it was stupid then too" he replied with a wave of his hand. "But there are more important things to talk about now. Like for example, telling this old man, how are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare, kid. It took me twenty minutes to understand what Kurt was saying on the phone. And twenty more to understand that you were still alive."

"I'm sorry" he apologized. "But I'll be fine. It might take some time, but I'll get there."

"Kurt told me you've decided to go home with him."

Straight to the point, he thought, looking at Burt. Subtlety had never been his strong suit. It was the reason Blaine had always loved him like a father.

"I'm not sure how to explain this" he admitted, wary.

"With your own words is fine."

Blaine couldn't help but notice a little bit of irony in his reply.

"Kurt was here when I opened my eyes" he said after a moment of thought. "I knew it was him even before our eyes met. He gave up Los Angeles for a marriage that was over, for all he knew. I owe this chance to the both of us. I have so much anger left in me, somewhere deep. But If I could.. If we could, somehow, get past all the regrets and the grievances, between us. Maybe we could move on. I don't want to wake up in ten years, and realize I let him go without a fight."

"Do you still love him? Because that's the only thing that matters."

He closed his eyes trying to put his thoughts in order. When he opened them again, he met Burt's. He was waiting without pressuring him.

"There was a moment when I thought it was over. That I'd run out of love. But during the attack," he explained, his eyes full of tears again. "During the attack, his face was the only one I prayed I could see again. And it's sad to say" he laughed. "Because I've always hated the stories in which the hero has this great epiphany right before he dies. But that's how it went. Everything got into focus. It's the main reason why I said yes. Even though I think he was crazy to leave that internship."

"If you ask me, kid" cut in, Burt. "You have your ideas pretty clear. Listen" he said then getting closer. "I know you think Kurt has some sort of privilege in using me for advices, but let me give you one."

Blaine remained silent.

"Kurt made a mistake. A big one. He took the easy way out when things got bad. He knows it, you know it. And you did the right thing, taking your time. But if you're serious about giving this a try, then make it a real one. Don't keep anything inside. Talk, yell, argue, but don't leave anything out. And make sure Kurt does the same. In the end all it will remain will be love, or the need to move on with your life."

They both kept silent for a while. Letting Burt's words sink in.

"I'm afraid to have to let him go again" Blaine confessed after a while. There was something in the other man that had always encouraged him to talk. "Because if after all of this, it will be all over anyway, it would be worse."

"Do you want to give up because of fear?" asked Burt at that point. "Blaine you can't protect yourself forever. Sooner or later, whether it will be Kurt or somebody else, you're going to have to open up again."

"You know?" Blaine announced with a smile. "There's a reason why I hate to be left alone with you. You always seem to find a way to calm my neurotic breakdowns."

Burt smiled. Relieved and so obviously happy to be there. To be of help.

"You know you can always count of me. And no more nonsense about not being able to talk to me." He warned him.

It would have been impossible by that point, he thought.

It'd been hard to say goodbye to Burt and Carole the first time. To explain his reasons.

It would be impossible to do a second time, not after everything that had happened. Burt and Carole were family. So was Kurt.

Kurt. He thought to himself. He wondered what would happen to them. How was he going to survive in this world if he and Kurt couldn't work it out?

If he wasn't able to let go of all the fear and the anger inside of him?

It was weird. Wanting something with everything he had. Something that was his to take, but he wasn't sure was right for him. He'd try. He'd try with every single breath he had left in him, and if in the end they didn't make it, at least he'd be free of any regret.

Kurt chose that moment to enter the room. A timid smile on his face. He smiled back in return. It was like breathing for the first time after an eternity under water.

"Kurt" he sighed.

His ex husband widened his eyes, surprised no doubt by the gentle tone of his voice. But Blaine was feeling lighter than ever and the conversation with Burt had left him weirdly hopeful.

"I.. bring good news" announced Kurt once he was able to breathe again. "If you promise to be good, and to stay in bed all day, and not to move for any reason at all, you can go home tomorrow."

Blaine smiled a worried smile. He hadn't felt like going home in a while, but the thought of leaving the hospital was reason enough to be content.

"They have my word. I'll make you do everything for me."

Kurt smiled, and for once Blaine felt he'd said the right thing. It was good, even if only for a moment, to be them again.

His ex husband didn't disappoint.

"If you think you'll live a spoiled life Blaine Anderson, you have another thing coming. I'll find a way to make you work while sitting."

Blaine laughed. "I have no doubt" he replied. When he looked at Burt, he saw on his face, an expression he knew too well. It was happiness.

He wished in that moment, not do disappoint him. He hoped not to disappoint Kurt as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes.. you can love or hate Kate as much as you like.. ;)  
> 'till next time.


	9. I'd wait for life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand here we are again. It's going to be a busy week at work, so I thought I'd post a little something for you while I can.  
> I want to thank all of you for your lovely reviews, and your support. It's been hard for me to write and translate all of this alone but hey! It looks like I made it.  
> I will probably be able to update again next week. In the meantime.. Enjoy!

9

 

_There's a place we used to be_  
There's a face that I used to see  
There's a picture with you by my side  
There's a moment that I want to find.  
I don't know where to start  
Or how to begin  
But I know I love you still.

 

"We're almost there" Burt announced helping Blaine climb up the stairs.

Kurt was silently watching them from the landing, the front door opened behind him, an anxious expression on his face.

Now that they were there, home, he was feeling insecure again and doubtful of his decisions. The road back from the Hospital had been awkward and silent. Burt and Blaine had not said much and Kurt himself was feeling too out of place to start a conversation.

But now.. Now that they were there, now that there were weeks together for both of them, he didn't know what to think.

Blaine lifted his eyes on him, almost reading his mind. His face so neutral and deprived of any feeling, Kurt felt confusion grip him.

He couldn't understand what Blaine was feeling, he didn't recognize the man in front of him, and he was starting to think that Blaine had been right all along.

That they'd grown so far apart, they were completely different from the lovers they'd been.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience Burt" he heard Blaine muttered. "I know I'm not the thin kid I was, anymore."

It was true, Kurt thought studying his husband frame. Or ex-husband, he corrected himself. He still wasn't sure about that one.

Blaine was still lean after all these years, but not thin. He had a nice layer of muscle covering his bones, his structure toned and well defined, and yet there was a little, soft form under his shirt. A cute round stomach resulted from all the nice dinner they'd had home. At least that was what Blaine liked to say.

When they reached the landing he stepped aside and let them in.

He'd made Blaine a bed in the guest room, he was sure that the other man wouldn't have liked the idea to sleep in what once was their bedroom.

He hadn't slept there himself since he'd been home. He kept seeing the note Blaine had left him on the bed. His ring lying there like he had no meaning at all. He'd kept that ring in his pocket, waiting and hoping to be able to give it back to its owner.

"You can take Blaine to the guest room, dad" he said, clearing up his voice. He could see Blaine shoulder tense and then relax.

Once they were out of sight, he took a deep breath and sat on the sofa, trying to control himself.

He could feel the panic rising in waves and trying to suffocate him, crushing his chest with insecurity and pain.

He knew it was only fear. But a little part of himself was reconsidering his decision, right then, when he couldn't back up anymore.

What would have happened if he'd failed? If he'd disappoint Blaine, himself, and everyone else around for a decision made on instincts?

He knew that would have meant destroying the one thing he held dear in this world.

No more future together. No more mornings spent in bed, cuddling, with no rush to get up.

No more little children to raise together.

They'd talked about it a lot, before he'd left for L.A. They would wait for Kurt to have a good job, one he loved, and then they'd start the papers for the adoption.

Too many kids were out there, alone, for them to be egoistical and have a surrogate one.

It had been Blaine's idea. To foster a child. His Blaine with a heart of gold. Who couldn't stand the idea of so many innocent children out there without someone to love them. And he had accepted. Because the idea of having a husband so noble and selfless made him more happy than any child with wild curls and hazel eyes.

But those plans seemed to be gone now.

"It's all done." Burt's voice, back in the living room, brought him back to present. "Maybe you should go and help Blaine settle."

"Am I doing the right thing dad?" he asked. "Maybe I should have let him go. Let him go back to the life he'd made for himself."  
His father looked at him in silence for a few moments, then moved towards the door.

"Don't be stupid, kid. Go to your husband, I'll go visit Rachel and then take a tour of Central Park."

The door opened and closed again with a soft click, leaving Kurt alone once again.

Well.. Maybe not alone, he thought to himself throwing a look at the hallway. Blaine was there now.

They hadn't lived in that house together for a year and three months. It was hard to stop counting the days once he had started.

With a wavering breath he stood and reached Blaine's room.

He knocked twice, to announce his presence, then went in.

Blaine was lying under the covers. His chest only half hidden. He'd gotten rid of his shirt and Kurt could see the bandages compressing his ribs. He could see the bruises covering his skin in blue and purple. And then lower still, a bruise that looked too much like a footprint.

Blaine had his eyes closed; his face towards the ceiling, but Kurt knew he was awake.

"Is everything OK?" he asked. His voice was trembling, but he forced a smile.

Blaine opened his eyes, turning his face slowly towards him. His eyes painful.

"I guess" he answered. "It's hard to get used to this room" he admitted quietly.

"I didn't think you'd want to sleep in our.. In the master bedroom" he corrected himself.

Blaine nodded, and Kurt felt himself hurt even more than he thought possible at that admission.

"I wouldn't want to throw you out of bed."

Like it would matter, Kurt thought. Like that bed had been slept on in weeks. Then he remembered his dad's words. The need to be honest with Blaine no matter what.

"I don't sleep in that room" he admitted.

Blaine's expression became first incredulous, then serious. Like he had no idea what to say to that.

"I'm sorry" he whispered after a while.

Kurt sat beside him.

"There's no need, really. It was my choice. I'm not ready to sleep there yet."

Blaine closed his eyes. "I'm sorry" he said once again.

The silence seemed to stretch between them. When Blaine opened his eyes again, there was a storm in them.

Kurt looked around, trying to find something to say to get out of that moment.

"I installed you a TV" he stammered without actually looking at him. "You have long days ahead of you. I wanted you to have a distraction. Kate brought your DVDs and your books. She says she put in some of hers as well, so you may read something good for once" he continued without stopping for breath. "Not that you read stupid books. I don't even know why I said something like this. I've always loved your taste in books. And you can ask for more if you want. I'll go get them for you…"

"Kurt.."

He stopped breathing for a second, but when he lifted his eyes he saw something different in Blaine's expression. A different emotion.

"I'm sorry" he sighed. "I really don't know how to behave in this situation."

"I didn't expect you to, Kurt. It can't be like it was. We will have to learn to live together again."

"Why does it seem so easy for you, while I'm a stammering idiot?" he asked, then he bit his tongue. It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that.

Blaine's eyes became colder, harder.

"It's not easy for me" he answered. "But I have no intention of running away. I promised I'd give it a try Kurt. And that's what I'm doing. Easy or not."

"I know.. I know.." he tried to reassure him. "Blaine you know me. I become an idiot when I'm nervous."

"Some things never change" Blaine announced with a smile.

He tried and failed to sit up on the bed, then threw him an embarrassed look.

"Help, please?" he asked pointing to the pillows behind him.

Kurt moved closer; his heart beating maniacally in his chest, while he hugged Blaine to help him relocate on the pillows. He tried to convince himself that it was nothing new, or strange. But the warmth radiating from Blaine, his smell, was something he'd missed too much and he couldn't suppress a shiver running down his spine.

Blaine was real and solid against him. He was alive, and against all odds, he was there with him.

And if Kurt in that moment, prolonged that hug a little more than necessary, well, no one could have blamed him.

"Better?" he asked moving away. Blaine nodded, then with a sign of his hand, invited him to sit back in front of him.

"We're going to have to find a compromise. Somewhere to start from. Honesty is important, but there are other things. Things unsaid. We're going to have to talk."

"That's all I ask" Kurt interrupted eagerly.

Blaine smiled. The smile he'd always given Kurt, when he would be way too enthusiastic over something.

"It won't be easy, not pretty" he warned.

"We can do this" he pressed. He could feel himself welling up again.

He took Blaine's hand in his and his heart seemed to be ready to burst, when the other man, instead of retracting it, held his tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now.  
> As always reviews are deeply appreciated and most welcomed.  
> Love to you all.
> 
> Mary.


	10. Not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooooo everyone. I know I said I wouldn't post another chapter so soon, but I've discovered I won't have a free moment from work in the next week so I thought I'd give you at least this very very very very very important chapter.
> 
> Also, please forgive any eventual mistake. I'm translating without a beta, and in quite a hurry because I will have to leave for work soon. So..here it is..
> 
> Thank you all, once again for your lovely reviews. You really make my day.
> 
> And to Ana: I'm always open to confrontation, but I can't use all my chapter notes talking to you, and because you sign with an anonymous form you don't allow me to answer you properly and directly. We will have to agree to disagree.
> 
> Love
> 
> Mary.

10

_I've been alone,_  
Surrounded by darkness.  
I've seen how heartless  
The world can be.

_I've seen you crying,_  
You felt like it's hopeless.  
I'll always do my best  
To make you see

_Baby, you're not alone  
_

 

 

The nightmares began a couple of days after he went home.

At first confused, unfocused, but full of fear. Then more vivid, darker. Unbearable.

They came out of now-where, often when things during the day had been somehow good. When he was more fragile, almost vulnerable to pain and hurt, the walls around him would get closer together, the darkness thicker and unreadable. The air would fill with tension and fear. Then he would come.

His attacker, his tormentor. The man who'd reduced him like this. He didn't have a face in the dream, just a shadow, hidden in the darkness.

Those were the nights Blaine would wake up shaken and trembling. His fists rigid in horror.

He'd been able to hide them for days.

Kurt had been caring but guarded around him and Blaine didn't want to put more pressure on them. They'd talked a lot during those days, bringing out all the honesty they could find.

But at night, he would do his best to muffle the scream that built inside of him while he shook himself awake out of his nightmare.

It happened that night too. He was there again, the man, to finish the job he'd started weeks before.

Blaine knew it. He knew he was dreaming. He knew that if he'd only opened his eyes, he'd find himself in the comfort of his bedroom. The covers drenched in sweat, his eyes filled with tears.

But even that knowledge didn't prevent him to stay paralyzed while the man got closer. A knife in his hand. In the dream Blaine didn't have enough strength to fight; he couldn't defend himself from what was to come.

Suddenly a pair of hands grabbed him and even in his dreams he knew who they belonged to.

"Blaine" a voice whispered. And he wished he could pay attention to that voice, but the man in his dream was getting stronger, and he was losing his fight again.

"Blaine.." once more, this time stronger. The hands around his arms didn't budge. They shook him again.

"Blaine please open your eyes."

The voice was calling him in. Kurt's voice, filled with worry and love.

The man in front of him raise his knife ready to strike. Blaine closed his eyes, then, nothing happened.

He opened them again. His body rigid, shivering with waves of panic, his breathing heavy.

In front of him, the criminal was gone.

Through the haze of the night he could see clearly two irises the color of the sky. The eyes he'd always loved so much.

Kurt was saying something, but he couldn't understand what. He couldn't see or think anything beyond the eyes and the voice that had brought him back.

"Blaine please talk to me."

"Kurt" he whispered, almost searching for a hold to the truth. The proof that he was ok, and safe, and on the way to be himself again. He sat in the middle of the bed.

Kurt was in front of him, his face a mask of worry.

He could feel his eyes welling up again. Not in fear this time. It was something deeper even than that. It was sadness, loneliness. A need so deep that left him breathless.

On instincts, he stretched his arms. Kurt remained still, just for a second, the time it took him to convince himself that Blaine was asking for his help, for him.

In a moment, he found himself in his arms. His face hidden against his shoulder, his tears dried by Kurt's shirt.

Kurt's voice filled the unbearable silence of the room.

"It's going to be fine. We'll get through this together, I promise."

It'd been weeks, months, since Kurt had held him like that.

Since the last time he'd felt like he really belonged to someone. To his husband.

It came naturally, when he pulled back, touching his lips to the other man's.

A delicate touch, more forceful than any other gesture in the world. He could feel Kurt's lips froze, and then come to life again. He felt the hand that had been on his back a second before, moving to cup his cheek wet with tears.

It was so familiar, so perfect and refined with time and practice, and for a moment everything else disappeared.

The hurt, the fear, their problems.

Blaine let himself go.

The kiss tasted like love and tenderness. It tasted like them. Kurt and Blaine. Together no matter what.

Kurt held him closer, encouraged probably by his reaction and Blaine let every other thought go. To hell with everything. With the man who'd scared him and scarred him, with the problems with his legs. With their separation…

It was then, with that thought, that he came back to reality. It was like being hit by a tornado in the middle of a summer day. All their problems came back again, entangled together and got more focused and insistent through fog that was clouding his mind.

He pulled back from Kurt, placing a hand on the other man's chest.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, but I.." he stopped, his heart broken by the expression on Kurt's face.

"I understand" he whispered looking away. "I think it'd be better if I went back to sleep. I heard you screaming and I got worried."

He moved to stand up but Blaine stopped him, taking his hand.

"Kurt wait."

"Please Blaine let me go."

He was trying to stop himself from crying and Blaine would have damned himself before he hurt Kurt once again like that. He knew what rejection felt like, and it was something he didn't want between them. Not now, not ever.

"It can't be because of a nightmare" he tried to explain. His voice full of regret.

When Kurt sit back in front of him, he started again.

"I'm scared" he admitted. Kurt's eyes met his again, surprised by his words. "It's not just because of the beating. It's something deeper, a fear that I've always carried with me. The fear of not being enough without you. And now, now everything is confused. Because I need you more than ever. I can't find a balance. I don't know how to let you in again, without letting myself being taken over." He took Kurt's hand, placing it on his own heart. "It's yours" he promised. "But I don't know how to give it to you, without breaking it again."

"You don't trust me."  
"I don't trust us" he clarified. Then he moved, slowly not to harm his legs, and made room on the right side of the bed. He patted the empty space, inviting Kurt to sit beside him. When they were comfortable, Blaine talked again.

"Talk to me about Christmas, Kurt. Let me understand what went wrong."

A moment of silence.

"Do you think this is the right time?" Kurt asked instead. "It's the middle of the night, and you're still recovering from a nightmare."

"This is the perfect moment" he retorted. "We're here, we're awake. It's the perfect moment" he said again.

Kurt seemed to be taking a moment to put his thoughts in order. But Blaine knew that insisting was not an option. Kurt would find the moment to talk by himself.

He wasn't disappointed.

"Things were bad between us. We were drifting apart, we weren't talking anymore. Every excuse seemed to be ok to stop those awkward phone calls between us" Kurt explained. "And instead of talking, I started avoiding the problem. On my birthday I tried to convince myself that you were not in my thoughts, that you weren't waiting for me. I convinced myself that we were over. Then it came December. And I should have come home, but I couldn't. I couldn't see you, and come home to my parents, when I knew.. I knew we weren't us anymore. That our future was on the line. So I stalled. I sent you that stupid text and I went down to the office party to forget about us. But the guilt was killing me and your absence was creating a hole in my chest, so I made a ticket to come back home to you. Only you weren't there anymore…" he concluded, his voice full of tears. "It was then that I understood that it was really over. And I'm sorry" he whispered. "I keep reliving those days in my mind, trying to convince myself that it wasn't me, doing that. But someone else. Someone you've never loved. Because that man, the man that I've always been, wouldn't have done something like that. He wouldn't have let you go."

"But you did" Blaine answered, looking at him. "And I let you do it" he admitted then. Because it was important for him to take responsibilities for his side and his behavior. It was important for him, that Kurt understood he wasn't the only one in the wrong. "I should have talked" he continued. "I thought I wasn't enough for you. I thought I'd be a dead weight on your dreams, on your ambitions. I convinced myself, that if you'd left me, there would have been nothing left of me. Everything I am, it comes from you. From our life together. Without you, all there's left is a sixteen years old kid with no one to trust but himself."

"What you forgot, is that it's the same for me." Kurt's voice showed a sad smile. "We've grown together. If you don't exist without me, then I don't exist without you."

When he reached for his hand, Blaine took it in his.

"Maybe we shouldn't have brag to Rachel about having jumped the seventh year's crisis."

Kurt bit back a smile than burst into a relieved laugh, hiding his face into Blaine's neck. Sharing with him the vibrations of his laughter.

Blaine turned his face, kissing his husband temple.

It was nice, he thought, being able to talk with Kurt about the things that had hurt them both.

When the laughter subsided Blaine whispered.

"Do you want to stay here tonight?"

Kurt pulled back, looking him in the eyes, trying probably to read his thoughts.

"It would be nice.. To have you here with me."

Kurt nodded, placing his head against Blaine's shoulder again.

Blaine could feel his heartbeat fasten its pace. The mare thought of spending the night again with Kurt, sending him into overdrive.

It was not over yet, and his mind was still filled with doubts, but he couldn't find the strength to stay away from him anymore.

If there was one thing he wanted to learn from the horror he'd lived, was the fortune of being able to give a second chance. To Kurt, and to himself.

When they laid down, together under the covers, Blaine didn't move. Didn't get closer; he didn't pulled Kurt to him like he wished to.

But this didn't stop him, when Kurt fell asleep, from searching for his hand in the dark.

And in the silence of the room, surround by darkness, he let himself be lulled by Kurt's breathing, into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: and that's it for now.
> 
> The next chapter will probably be up in a week or so, if I'm not able to take an hour of time before then.
> 
> As always I'd love to hear your thoughts and reviews.
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> Mary.


	11. You want to make a memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: and here we are with the next chapter.
> 
> I want to thank you again for your lovely reviews, and your support. This is my first fanfic, and I feel like it would have been over a long time ago if it wasn't for all of you. I'm sorry to say that we are a few chapters away from the end, but it's been a wonderful ride.
> 
> This is "You want to make a memory"
> 
> Enjoy!

11

_Hello again, it's you and me_  
Kinda always like it used to be  
Sippin' wine, killin' time  
Tryin' to solve life's mysteries

 

Kurt was nervous.

No, nervous was not right. He was a tangled mess of nerves and feelings.

That morning he'd woken up in Blaine's bed, while the other man was still sleeping, their hands held together.

He'd watched Blaine sleep, surrounded by such a feeling of peace, he hadn't felt for a long time.

Blaine had looked free of any trouble, that morning. He hadn't woken up once because of his nightmares and he hadn't moved his hand from Kurt's since they'd fallen asleep.

And.. More than that, Blaine had kissed him.

Of course, one could dispute that he'd broken the kiss way too soon, telling Kurt that, that wasn't the way he'd wanted it to happen. But that didn't change things much. The point was that Blaine had thought about kissing him and to him it was enough given their current situation.

He sighed, putting the coffee machine on.

When he'd gotten up, last night, to get a glass of water and he'd heard Blaine's calls for help, he hadn't been able to help himself from checking out if his husband was alright. Lucky enough, he thought grabbing two cups, he did, or the talk they'd had wouldn't have happened at all and more importantly he wouldn't have been able to wake up Blaine from his nightmare.

He froze.

Confused and later carried away by that kiss, he hadn't even asked what the nightmare had been about.

He knew the answer would probably be clear, but he wanted Blaine to be able to talk about it. He wanted more than anything for Blaine to move on and over that fear, to start live again. With him by his side if that's what he wanted.

They had a lot of work to do, but, he thought with a smile, Blaine had kissed him.

He tried and failed to refrain himself from jumping and squealing like a teenage girl.

They'd kissed, and hold, and after the worst was over, his husband had still wanted him in his bed. Something that had seemed impossible until a couple of weeks before.

The _beep_ coming from the coffee machine brought him back to reality.

The clock on the wall, told him it was barely eight o'clock. It was early, but he wanted to talk with Blaine, maybe have breakfast together.

He took the cups full of steamy coffee and moved towards the guest room. When he opened the door he noticed Blaine was already awake, sitting on the center of the bed, a frown on his face.

Then he lifted his eyes, and Kurt saw the expression change suddenly from worry to a warm smile that he knew was all for him.

He was happy to see him and Kurt felt his eyes filling with tears and his heart almost burst with happiness for that little gesture.

"Kurt" Blaine sighed. "I thought you'd left."

It was then that Kurt understood. When Blaine had woken alone, he'd thought his husband had regrets about the night before.

Adorable idiot. Like there was anything else in this world he wanted more than to be with him.

"I thought it'd be nice to wake up with the smell of freshly made coffee" he explained passing a cup and sitting in front of him. Blaine took it, inhaling the fragrant smell before taking a sip.

"You thought right. Just.." he seemed to alt for a moment, and then continued. "Just, next time, leave the coffee to wait, and let me wake up with you by my side."

Right, Kurt thought at that point. There was nothing he could do to stop the tears after that. He could feel them falling freely on his face wetting his cheeks.

"Oh my God" he laughed wiping them away. "I'm an idiot. Don't pay any attention to this" he begged gesturing towards the tears that were still falling. "It's been a full couple of days and…"

"And every emotion is jumbled up" Blaine finished for him with a smile, wiping away his tears. "It's the same for me. That explains the nervous breakdown I was about to have a few minutes ago."

Kurt took his hand, relieved when his husband didn't even flinch.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be." Blaine's voice was comforting, soothing.

"Ok, I won't" he retorted with a small smile.

Blaine seemed to study him for a couple of seconds. "You could be at least a little bit sorry" he said then.

Kurt frowned.

"I thought you just said I shouldn't."

"I did.. But.." Blaine explained getting a little bit closer. "If you'd be sorry enough to promise me not to move from the bed until I'll wake up next time, then…"

He smiled. It was like the sun, rising after months of darkness. It was a different Blaine, the one who was sitting in front of him. Like suddenly, he had made a decision about them.

"You have my word" he promised breathless.

They stayed quiet after that. Sipping coffee and exchanging sweet glances like they did on their first dates, when everything was new and sparkling, and every look seemed to take their breath away.

Then a thought crossed Kurt's mind. "Finish your coffee" he told Blaine getting up. "I have a few things to take care of, and then I'll come and get you. I'll be back soon."

"Hey.. Where are you going?"

Blaine's face, affronted, made him smile.

"You'll know soon enough" he answered mysteriously. His mind was already working. "In the meantime, drink your coffee, watch a little TV. I'll be back before you'll even get the chance to get bored" he announced before leaving the room in a hurry.

The idea had come so suddenly it felt perfect.

He wanted to do something. Something for Blaine, for them.

A fresh start. A moment to start built their romance from.

He got dressed, without caring about clothes for once, and after a quick goodbye to Blaine, which translated in another cup of coffee and a piece of apple pie, he went out.

It was going to take him the whole morning.

The first stop was the florist near home, where he bought a bunch of red tulips, Blaine's favorites. Then he ran to their favorite pastry shop, where he bought the pastries they'd eaten together on their first breakfast in New York, and a box of hearts chocolates.

Because he knew Blaine had always loved to fill their dates with the cheesiest things, and he hoped that he would appreciate this one too.

The last stop was the DVD store.

If he wanted to pull the perfect date, the movie had to be the right one.

He tossed aside the obvious choices. No Mouline Rouge or the Notebook. What he needed was something terribly sweet, possibly with a happy ending. Something light, that they knew well enough. Something that didn't require their full attention.

In the end, the choice fell on the most obvious choice of all. "When Harry met Sally" had been their movie from day one. Even before they fell in love, when they were just friends, or a little bit more. Strangely enough, it was a movie they'd never watched together, but Kurt knew it would give them the chance to go back in time, without necessarily reliving the past.

On the front door, before getting in, panting and full of shopping bags, he called their favorite Chinese restaurant and ordered enough food to last them a week.

When he opened the door he heard Blaine's voice calling.

"Kurt. I thought I lost you for a moment there."

"Coming!" he called trying to tidy himself.

He left all the bags in the kitchen holding on to the little bouquet, and he walked towards Blaine's room.

He hoped his idea wasn't, after all, a stupid one. That Blaine would understand his reasons, and his need to start over. He tried to rub his hands to shake the nervousness, but it was useless. It was like been seventeen all over again. His heart was beating faster and his thoughts were such a mess he didn't know what to think anymore.

When he opened the door Blaine looked up towards him on instinct. When he saw the flowers his eyes went from confused, to curious, to touched.

"Kurt" he whispered, his voice broken. It was clear that his choice had been the right one, that Blaine wouldn't be saying no; and yet, it was hard for him to find the right words to say.

"Well.." he started. "I…"

Great. That was the right moment to reverse into teenage Kurt; he thought when he felt his cheeks getting warmer.

Blaine smiled, with a knowledge of him, that would always shake him and somehow, at the same time, it calmed him. He smiled back.

"Blaine Anderson-Hummel" he tried again, trying to maintain an act of normality. "Only love of my life, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?"

He gave him the flowers then, watching Blaine taking them and bringing them to his face. When he looked at him again, Kurt found himself back to that day of May, on the stairs of Mckinley, when he'd brought Blaine a very similar bunch of flowers. His then boyfriend, had been so happy, he'd taken those flowers with him all day, everywhere. Class, gym, glee club.

That day just like this one, watching his reaction, Kurt had felt the most important person in the world.

He realized, in that moment, that Blaine had still to answer his question, and panic started to set in.

What if Blaine thought that he was crazy, that it wasn't right to start over so soon? What if he was searching the right way to refuse him, after all?

Then he saw his husband smile. His lips curving gently and his eyes shining brightly and everything quieted inside of him.

"You know I can't go anywhere, right?" Blaine asked amused.

"Everything we need is few steps away from here" he answered clapping his hands in joy. "Give me half an hour. Then I'll come get you."

He started towards the door when Blaine's voice stopped him.

"Ehm…Kurt.."

When he turned around he noticed the other's man cheeks had dusted with a fine layer of redness.  
"Yes?" he asked cautious.

"Could you.. could you please pass me the basin and some clean clothes?" He asked embarrassed. "I'd like to groom myself a little. I have an important date."

Kurt tried and failed again to hold back the tears. He crossed the room, getting the basin Blaine used to wash closer to the bed, and some of his finest but more comfortable clothes.

He smiled when Blaine thanked him and then he ran outside.

He didn't have much time on his hands to get ready but it would make do.

He had a feeling that somehow, from that afternoon, would depend their all life, and he wouldn't allow them to fail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: and that's it for now. I wanted to give Kurt and Blaine's second first date a chapter of his own. So.. don't kill me for this cliff-hanger please.
> 
> I've been working twelve hours a day this month, but I promise I'll try to update as soon as possible.
> 
> In the meantime, have a good week.
> 
> Mary.


	12. for the first time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: and I'm back.
> 
> I really have no idea how to apologize for the late update, unless it is with the truth. Something not so great happened to me. An anaphylactic shock, to be precise, due to a stupid shot for a stupid foot pain, and I have been put to rest for the last two weeks. I'm still on the mending, but very much alive and kicking. And I've been waiting to be clear-headed enough, not to make a mess with such an important chapter.
> 
> That being said, forgive any eventual mistake or any grammar scare you might get from this. I promise I'll do better next time.
> 
> Enjoy!

12

 _Can this be real, can this be true?_  
Am I the person I was this morning?  
And are you the same you?  
It's all so strange how can it be?  
All along this love was right in front of me

 

The air was crackling with atmosphere when they entered the living room.

The fire was lit, giving the room a soft golden light, their dinner or late lunch, was waiting for them on the table. Kurt had taken the time to dispose the food in different plates, but Blaine knew without a doubt that it was coming from his favorite restaurant.

The TV was on, a movie in stand-by in the DVD player. The screen was still black and he had no idea about Kurt's choice. On the couch, waiting for them, there was their favorite plaid. The same one that had seen them together on many romantic date-nights.

"You've been busy Mr. Hummel" Blaine mused while Kurt helped him get settled on the sofa.

"It's an important night. I wanted everything to be perfect." Despite the beautiful smile, the crack in his voice, showed Blaine exactly how nervous the other man was.

"Don't over-think" he whispered taking his hand. "It's great."

"I know.. I know.. It doesn't have to be perfect. But it has to be special."

That sentence, right there, thought Blaine, was most telling about their history than anything else. For them it had never been about perfection. It didn't matter that their dates went without a hitch. What had always mattered, and still did, was the feeling they put into it.

"It will be" he promised reaching his hand. "Now pass the food. You've had the nerve to leave me to fend for myself for too long. I'm starving!"

"Hey! I was working on our date. And do I have to remind you I filled you with enough pie to last you a year?"

Blaine laughed taking the plate Kurt was handing him.

"Right. I'll have you know I'm in constant need of sustenance if I want to heal."

Kurt threw him an unimpressed look and Blaine fought the urge to smile.

"You need to heal, not grow Blaine. And even when the goal was to grow, filling yourself with food, didn't really seem to work."  
Blaine opened his mouth in outrage, then closed it again. The silence seemed to stretch for a few second then he smiled.

"Not every part of me has remained small you know?"

He almost cheered watching Kurt's face going to white, to pink, to bright red. It was incredible, being able to affect him still, after all this time, after everything. It was the best feeling in the world.

Kurt seemed too shocked to retort and Blaine went happily back to his food, convinced that he'd won the first round.

"So.." he asked trying to break through Kurt. "Which movie did you pick?"

Kurt seemed to finally rouse himself from his thoughts and smiled.

"It wasn't easy" he announced. In his voice, was an emotion that Blaine hadn't seen for a while. Pride and anticipation. Excitement. "I've thought about it all morning, and the result is.." he pressed play on the remote, and let the movie speak for itself.

Never, not in a million years, Blaine would have thought about that movie. It was like going back fifteen years, to a conversation he'd never forgotten.

Back then, he'd been an awkward oblivious kid, who was too stupid to see the love in his best friend's eyes. "It will be like When Harry met Sally" Kurt had told him, and he'd been right.

Luckily, it'd taken them less time to figure things out. They hadn't really needed years, and different relationships to understand that they were made for each other.

Blaine had married his best friend, and it was sad to think, that recently he'd lost sight of that.

"You couldn't have chosen anything better" he whispered bringing his eyes back to Kurt again. The other man seemed to relax instantly. The tension on his shoulder lifting completely and it was only then that Blaine realized how nervous he'd been.

"I'm glad" Kurt sighed, resting his head on the back of the couch and looking at him sideways. "I was afraid it was too much. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to recreate the past. It's not what I want. I want us to start again. The Kurt and Blaine that we are now. With all our problems, and our experiences, but with the feeling we've been keeping with us since the beginning. If that makes sense."

"It does" Blaine smiled. "It's perfect."

Kurt took his hand.

It was becoming easier, he noticed, starting any physical between them.

Where before there was insecurity and fear, now Kurt could feel hope blossoming.

The ate like that, their plates resting on their legs, their hands still held together. The movie went on, filling the room, and covering a peaceful silence. There was no need to talk between them, it wasn't the moment.

They were both lost in each other's presence, in the overwhelming want to be together.

Towards the middle of the movie, Blaine moved, cuddling close to Kurt. It didn't matter that his legs were hurting like hell, and that his back was going to kill him eventually. He simply had to.

He rested his head on Kurt's shoulder, feeling the other man pressing closer and holding his hand tighter.

Then final scene arrived and everything seemed to flame in its intensity.

It wasn't hard for Blaine to understand Harry's reasons. To understand that no matter the fears he felt, there was something stronger urging him to risk his own heart. The scene in front of him felt so true, it knocked him breathless for a moment.

He remembered it word for word.

"I love that you are cold when there are 71 degrees outside" he whispered in time with the character on the movie. It was true to Kurt too. Always dressed in a thousand layers, even when outside it was melting. He felt Kurt tense beneath him, but continued. His eyes never leaving the screen. "I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich." He felt Kurt laugh and smiled. They both knew that eating outside meant spending at least forty minutes raiding the menu for something to eat. Vegetarian, healthy. Possibly bio. It went without saying, that they weren't always lucky. "I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts" he whispered. It was an expression he knew too well. During their worst and silliest fights, Kurt always had this look on his face, like he was treading with a psyco.

"I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your parfume on my clothes."

Kurt always smelled wonderful. Clean and fresh and so unique. "And I love that you're the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night." His voice was barely above a breath now and he felt his eyes fill with tears.

"And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight, because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" he finished. Blaine realized in that moment, that Kurt wasn't looking at the screen anymore, but right into his eyes. He was on the verge of tears, and his blue eyes were full of worry.

"I thought I'd stopped loving you" he admitted lowering his eyes. It'd been one of the worst moment of his life; when he'd lost fate in everyone and everything, but saying it outloud? It filled him with more shame and despair he could have ever imagine.

"Did you?" Kurt asked, his voice broken.

"No" he answered so fast there was no denying the truth in his words. "No, never. I realized it the night of the beating. When the only thing in my mind, was to see you one last time before I died. To be able to hear your voice again, to breathe your smell in the air. It's the reason why I came home to you. The very reason why I gave us another chance" he finished. He could feel the tears streaming down his face but it didn't matter anymore. He held Kurt's hand in his. "I don't care anymore" he breathed. "I don't care about being independent, or live for our marriage. I don't want to live without you" he chocked.

"Blaine.."

Kurt dropped his hand and Blaine panicked for a moment, but then his hands returned, and he found himself enveloped in Kurt's arms; tight in his embrace.

"We'll find a way" Kurt promised hugging him tighter. "It doesn't have to be like before. When we broke up.. It made me realize some things as well. I realized that we were drifting apart, and I was closing myself to you. I don't want to be like that again. I want this to be _our_ life, _our_ marriage. I want us to get back on out feet and live a better life than before. I want the life we've talked about for so long, not the jobs and our careers. But a family that's our own and the kids we always said we'd adopt."

"You still want that?" Blaine asked then, lifting his eyes.

"I can think of nothing else" Kurt admitted with a smile.

And Blaine finally let go.

He reduced the distance, pressing his lips to Kurt's. The kiss wasn't desperate, or full of fears, like the one they'd shared the night before. This kiss was finally... finally.. a pure expression of love.

Because they could both feel it, from that moment on, the future they'd so desperately wanted. Finally happening.

Because they'd lost each other, and by some miracle, they'd been able to find themselves again.

And like everything else their chemistry came back too. The raw need to able to share their feelings through their touch.

Blaine felt Kurt answering his kiss immediately. He felt Kurt's hands cup his face, almost trying to keep him from moving. Like he was afraid that Blaine might change his mind.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Blaine's hand, that was resting against his husband's heart, moved lower, reaching for his hips. Borrowing under the shirt he was wearing.

It was Blaine's favorite, he thought vaguely. Kurt had always worn it, when he'd wanted to get his husband's attentions.

Without breaking the kiss, he caressed his back and encouraged him closer. He needed to feel him. He needed to feel Kurt against him, around him. Down to his very soul.

"Kurt" he whispered moving away just for a moment, but whatever he'd been about to say, was lost in another kiss.

It was like being sixteen again, he thought. When watching a movie had been code for making out on the couch for hours. In a house, blessedly often empty.

Moving on instinct, he reached out, grabbing Kurt's shirt and yanking him on himself.

But the pleasure that gesture brought, didn't last long. Because in their journey back to their teenage selves, they'd forgotten all about the reason Blaine was there in the first place. His legs.

"Ouch!" he hissed breaking the kiss. Kurt stopped suddenly, shifting his weight.

"Oh My God, Blaine" he yelped sitting back.

"Where are you going?" he complained, trying to reach for Kurt with one hand and less the pain in his legs with the other.

"We were about to mess up with your recovery." Kurt accused moving further away. The anxious expression on his face told Blaine that the mood was effectively broken.

"I'm a doctor, trust me. There was nothing dangerous in what we were about to do."

He tried to move closer but Kurt moved away completely standing beside the couch.

"No.. No.. Blaine, I have no intention of hurting you."

"Kuuuurt" he wailed. But Kurt just pointed his hands on his hips and Blaine knew he was done. He sighed.

"Fine.." he conceded. "But please, sit back beside me?" he asked with the best puppy eyes he could master. He knew it would work, and he wasn't disappointed.

"Fine.." Kurt muttered sitting back down. "But you better keep your hands to yourself."

Blaine took his hand and sighed, relieved. He moved slowly, resting his head against Kurt's shoulder, letting the heat of the other man sink into his bones. Warm his very core.

They were fine, he thought looking at the expression of love and happiness lighting Kurt's face.

They were going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: this might have been the cheesiest thing I've ever written in my whole life. But sweetness is always good for the soul, and I'm not one to leave my beloved characters suffer for too long.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I loved writing it.
> 
> As you all know, good or bad I live and breathe for your reviews, so let me know what you think.
> 
> See you next time.
> 
> Love.
> 
> Mary.


	13. Leave out all the rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are again.  
> We're almost there. There will be another chapter after this one, and then the epilogue.  
> And then my little baby will be done.  
> Enjoy!

13

Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you

Kurt woke up that morning at peace with himself for the first time in a long time.

Blaine was sleeping soundly next to him, the expression on his face completely devoid of any negative emotion.

He smiled.

They'd fallen asleep cuddled together, and that was the position they'd held through the whole night.

The sunlight, already high in the sky, was filtering through the curtains, giving the room a warm orange colour.

It would have been nice, so nice to prolong that moment forever. To stay there, in the warmth of their bedroom, where there were no problems to solve, no attackers to find or fears to face.

But that wasn't their real world, and all in all, Kurt really didn't mind real life. On the contrary. Coming from a few months of horrible loneliness, he couldn't wait for real life to begin. To be able to worry about stupid little things.

He wanted nothing more than to be able to come back home to watch Blaine preparing dinner for them, and insisting on doing the dishes afterward. To have a basket full of laundry to wash or grocery shopping to do.

He wanted them to take care of each other.

He sighed.

"You'll end up with grey hair if you keep thinking so hard."

Blaine's voice, rough from sleep, made him smile.

"Planning a wonderful future with your husband doesn't give you grey hair" he answered looking into Blaine's eyes. It was almost overwhelming, to be able to get rid, officially, of the word "ex".

"Is that so? So tell me Mr. Hummel, what brilliant future lies ahead of us?"

"Hummel-Anderson if you please. And I don't know" he continued with a sly smile. "Running errands, dinners to prepare, a mountain of clothes to iron."

Blaine remained silent for a few seconds, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"That doesn't seem all that exciting to me" he cautioned.

Kurt laughed, kissing his husband bare chest.

"You're wrong. Nothing has ever seemed more exciting in my whole life."

It was then, watching Kurt's pure happiness, that Blaine seemed to understand what his husband was talking about.

"You're right." He smiled. "But that doesn't mean we can't add a little spice to it and make it better" he whispered cupping Kurt's cheeks and bringing him closer to him.

"Blaine" Kurt murmured, but Blaine's lips were insistent and firm against his and he could do nothing but let himself go. And God, but he loved to let go. Letting Blaine take control and hold him against his body like he was something precious and one of a kind. Being the other half of a wonderful love.

"Blaine" he tried again.

Kurt felt his husband's hands slide from his face to his neck, down to his hips, tightening their hold and hauling him up until he was pressed against him.

It was then, trying to catch his breath, that Kurt was able to look the other man in the eyes.

The smile on Blaine's face was light and warm, but the look in his eyes was something else. He knew that look. It was the same that had him lying on the first surface available. Not necessarily flat.

"Good morning, love" he whispered pressing his lips against Blaine's and the look on his eyes shifted. It became tender, affectionate.

"Good morning to you" he answered lifting himself up to press another kiss on his lips.

It took a second for the kiss to deepen. To gain passion and heat. Kurt could feel the fire heating up his entire body, the want for his husband becoming unbearable.

He groaned when the horrible, horrible sound of the doorbell intruded itself in their moment.

"Leave it" Blaine ordered moving his lips against Kurt's. He circled Kurt's body with his legs trying to keep him in place.

"Blaine, it could be Kate or Rachel."

The only answered he got was a grunt. He kissed Kurt one last time before letting him go.

Walking through the corridor, Kurt reached for the door, but it wasn't one of their friends waiting on the other side.

"Detective Mahoni" he exclaimed surprised. He moved out of the way to let the man in the house.

"Mr. Hummel" the man nodded looking around.

"Did something happen? Do you have news?"

His thoughts were running a mile a minute. A hundred different questions crossing his mind.

"I'd prefer if your husband was present for this." The man asked not giving anything away.

"Sure, sure. Let me get him. Why don't you seat, it'll only take a moment."

He left the detective in the living room and walked the brief distance to the bedroom.

"Blaine?" he called but received no answer. When he reached the bed he smiled. Blaine had fallen back asleep. He had one arm covering his eyes, shielding them from the light, and the other rested on his pillow. He sat beside him, caressing his face tenderly.

"Blaine" he called, his voice soft. "Detective Mahoni is here. He wants to talk to you."

Blaine groaned, trying to hide under the pillow.

"Come on" he tried again grabbing his hand. "It could be important."

Blaine opened his eyes, resting them on Kurt.

"We were fine, just me and you" he whispered suddenly serious.

"If they've caught the man, we will be even better" he answered. Then he helped him sitting up. "Do you want me to bring him here, or do you want to go into the living room."

"No. Let's go there. It will do me good to move around a little."

It took them some time, and a little effort, but they were able to get to the Detective in very little time.

"Mr. Anderson" Mahoni stood up to greet him. "I'm sorry to disturb you during your recovery but I'm sure you'll want to know about the progress on your case."

"You're not wrong." Blaine sat on the couch, trying not to bother his legs. "Please sit" he offered pointing to the empty chair in front of him. "So, what news do you bring?"

"It looks like we found our man" the Detective began without preamble.

Kurt's heart stood still for a moment, and he felt Blaine's hand tightening its hold on his. They kept silent.

"A Milo Voyce, 36, already known to the police for minor crimes. He's been found with some drugs in his pockets. The description fits, and a witness saw him around your office the day of the attack."

"Do you need me to come to the station to identify him?"

Blaine's voice shook, from tension probably, and the fear of having to face the man again.

"There will be no need." Mahoni took a piece of paper from his pocket handing it to Blaine. Kurt moved closer, curious. It was a picture, he noticed. A dead man's picture.

He felt Blaine's breath increase speed and his hand start to sweat.

"Blaine?" he asked concerned.

He got no answer. Blaine was lost in his own world. His eyes were focused but distant, like he was seeing something else.

"It's him" he breathed after a while. Kurt felt the weight he'd been holding in his heart dissipate. "It's the man who beat me that night. How.." He stopped to pull himself together then tried again. "How did he die?"

"It looks like he got involved with the wrong guy. Probably a mugging between street people."

Mahoni took the picture from Blaine's hand and folded it.

"The case is closed Mr. Anderson. Get better, enjoy your life, there will be less scum on the street tonight. You saved yourself a lot of trouble. Trials can be heavy and long, and they can put a strain on people, and with things like this, there might have been a chance that the man would have walked out of there free." He stood, walking to the door. "We'll call if we need your signature on the papers. Have a good day" he said. Then he walked out without waiting for Kurt to show him out.

"It's over." Kurt breathed a sigh of relief, but when he turned, the look on Blaine's face worried him. "Blaine?" he called. He took his hand bringing it to his lips.

Blaine's breath hitched for a moment, then he let go a long sigh.

"I convinced myself" he said after a long silence. "That I had to spend my life afraid of rounding a corner and find him in front of me. I was ready to live my life in fear."

He lifted his watery eyes catching Kurt's. "I'm a doctor. I save people's life. What does it say about me that I feel relief for another man's death?" he asked while hot tears streamed down his face.

Kurt moved closer, holding him against him. He pressed his lips on his husband's neck trying to comfort him with his presence. He felt Blaine's arms tighten around him, like his life depended on it.

"You are the most wonderful, honest, generous man I've ever met" he promised. "You're loving and caring, and you would lay your life for the people you love. And when you told me you wanted to put music aside to study medicine, it all made sense to me. Because you have a heart so big, it could hold the whole world. And what you're feeling right now? For a man who hurt you so badly? It's not who you are. It just shows you're human."

"You believe that?" Blaine asked trying to hide in the circle of Kurt's arms.

"I believe you're a gift. And I know, that had you found him hurt on the street, you'd have saved his life."

Blaine nodded but didn't reply. The remained in silence for a while, happy to be in each other's arms. Kurt held him close, caressing his back in a soothing gesture, kissing every part of Blaine he could reach. His neck, his temple, his cheek.

Blaine's voice rang firm and full of love when he spoke again.

"Thank you for supporting me when I chose medicine instead of following our plans."

Kurt smiled.

"I'll always support you."

He felt Blaine nod.

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to do the same for you."

"Don't be stupid Blaine" Kurt scolded him. "When you decided to take medicine, you did it because my father had gotten sick, and I knew you'd still be in New York."

He remembered all too well when Burt had told him he'd gotten cancer.

He'd been on his first year of college, and Blaine a senior in high school. And it had been Blaine who'd taken care of his dad while he'd been away. Blaine had taken him to the doctor, and listened to what he had to say before referring everything to Kurt.

It had been a difficult year, and when Burt had announced he was in remission Blaine had made his decision.

He wanted to help people, to take care of those who were suffering. It had made Kurt so proud he'd barely been able to stand it.

"So.." Kurt said putting an end to his own thoughts. "Breakfast or nap?"

Blaine laughed, relieve and unrestrained.

"Nap, definitely nap" he decided hugging Kurt close. But warmed by their love, neither of them moved to reach the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: and that's it. I decided while I was writing, that the stupid man who attacked Blaine, didn't deserve any front time on my story. I didn't want to put Blaine and Kurt through other pain. I think they've had enough, and leaving him free was simply not an option. So there it is.  
> He's gone, and Kurt and Blaine can concentrate on their happy ending.  
> Stay tuned, because it'll be a sweet one.  
> In the meantime, as we're nearing the end, please let me know what you think.  
> Love  
> Mary


	14. Have yourself a Merry little Christmas

14

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
Our troubles will be out of sight  
Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Make the Yule-tide gay,  
From now on,  
Our troubles will be miles away.

 

There was something weird going on, Blaine thought moving around under the covers. Kurt's side of the bed empty.

His husband had woken up, dressed himself and with a stern look, had made him promise not to move until he came back. Again.

Things were going great between them; they were back together, they'd been able to leave their mistakes behind and finally, they'd found some common ground. And.. Blaine thought with a silly grin, they were Blaine and Kurt Hummel-Anderson again.

Sometimes, it was like being sixteen again. There were moments, looking into Kurt's eyes, when he could feel his heart beat faster, amazed that that man was his. It was sweetness and torture at the same time, being able to steal a few looks while they were watching a movie, cuddled on the couch, and find Kurt looking back at him.

Like they couldn't bear to keep their eyes off each other.

A loud thud in the hallway directed his thoughts back to present.

"Is everything all right?" he asked behind the closed door.

"Don't you dare move" Kurt threatened him. His voice was breathless, like he was moving heavy stuff.

"I wouldn't even think about it. But I've been stuck in here for a couple of hours; sooner or later you're going to have to let me out, what if I have to pee?"

The silence that followed warned him that Kurt was trying to find a solution.

"I'll blindfold you" he decided in the end.

"Do you plan to leave me blindfolded in the bathroom?" he asked amused. "You're going to have to help in there too."

He could almost see it. Kurt's bright pink cheeks behind that closed door. Even after ten years together, Kurt had been able to retain some form of innocence that Blaine found irresistible.

"Blaine!" Kurt's embarrassed voice reached him. He laughed.

"All right, all right. We'll talk about it later."

He heard the other man move around behind the door, muttering to himself. He couldn't tell what he was saying, but he had a feeling, it was about him.

He got comfortable and turned on the TV.

He was halfway through the second episode of Friends, when he heard two knocks at the door.

A few seconds later the door opened.

"Burt!" he called with a smile. He was happy to see the man again.

"You look well kid" Burt smiled back sitting beside him.

"I really can't complain. It's been tough in the last weeks, but it's going great now."

"I can see that."

There was a smile in his voice, and Blaine knew his father-in-law well enough to know there was something he wanted to say.

"Come on..." he encouraged. "I'm waiting..."

"I have no idea what are you talking about" he answered with an innocent look. "I just came to see how you were doing."

"You came to check on me and Kurt" he retorted. "And now he's out there doing God knows what and you're in here with a smug look on your face. And you have something to say" he finished.

Burt took off his baseball cap, turning it around in his hands.

"It seems like things are going well for you."

All right, Blaine thought, if Burt wanted to take the long way around he was Ok with that.

"I can't complain."

"You're healing fast."

"I can't complain" he repeated with a smile. "Kurt helped a lot" he added.

"Yeah well, it's important to have someone with you in a time like this."

He rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Burt. You know you want to ask. You were never one to beat around the bush" he prodded with a smile.

"I don't want to interfere."

"And you've never been one to let that stop you."

"Are you and my son back together? He asked in a rush, and, Blaine thought, looked more like Kurt in that moment, than ever before.

"Yes we are" he answered proud. Happy to be able to give Burt this joy. "I'm surprised Kurt hasn't told you."

"He's very reserved these days. He was probably waiting to be sure."

"Things are far from settled" he explained. "But we have no doubt of the role we want to play in each other lives."

"I'm happy for you, kid. It was hard to see Kurt's struggles these past few months. It's been hard to lose you to" he admitted.

"It's the same for me. I'm happy to have you all back in my life.

"Speaking of which" Burt said then. "Carole and I are thinking about buying a house in Washington, if my political career will take off. We'd be closer than before, and we could see each others more often."

"Burt it's great. Kurt will be so happy." He could already see his husband's face at the news.

"We'll see" he sighed. "I don't want to say anything until we're sure."

"Your secret's safe with me" he promised. "Now..Distract me from whatever your son is doing behind that door, because I'm going crazy."

Burt smiled and moved closer, keeping him company for a while. They talked about sport, and politics, even about music. They were watching in comfortable silence another episode of Friends, when a louder crash behind the door interrupted again.

"Kurt" he called worried. "Are you sure everything's OK?"

His husband opened the door panting, with a big smile on his face.

"I'm almost done" he laughed.

"Kurt, you know I don't need any more surprises. I appreciate you wanting to treat me, but there's no need for you to woo me. I'm completely yours."

He was sure he could see Kurt's whole face light up.

"This is the last one, I promise" then he turned to his dad. "You can go dad, thank you for keeping him distracted while I was working."

"It's been a pleasure." Burt stood and hugged his son. "I'll be back tomorrow with Carole. She will take the first plane tomorrow to be here. Have a nice night" he said before leaving.

"So" Kurt announced. "Ready for this last surprise?"

Blaine looked at his husband. He had an aura of happiness around him. Excited.

He couldn't resist a happy Kurt.

"Ready!" he laughed standing up. He was still wobbly and more than a little weak, but he was doing gigantic steps in his recovery. He was able to walk small distances in the house, though slowly, and his pain was getting better every day.

When he reached for his husband, Kurt covered his eyes with one of his hands and led him out the door.

"If we're going to run into a wall, we're going to destroy every progress I've made so far" he joked.

"If we're going to end up in a hospital Kate and Rachel will claw at each other's hair to take care of us" bit back Kurt.

"It would be fan" Blaine admitted. "Or maybe not" he reconsidered thinking about them into their friends' hands.

But he didn't have the time to voice that thought, because Kurt had stopped. They had reached their destination.

"Ready?" Kurt asked, his voice full of anticipation.

"Ready" he sighed. When Kurt's hand left his eyes, the sight before him left him breathless. It was almost summer in New York, he was sure of it, yet in his living room, time seemed to have stopped. The entire room was covered in Christmas' decorations.

The tree they'd bought the year before was placed at the center of the room. Bright red and gold stars were hanging from the walls. The curtains were closed, to give the room a nocturnal appearance. It was perfect.

"Kurt" he stuttered, unable to say anything more.

"I know" Kurt smiled. "We said we wouldn't go back. That we would only move forward. But I promise you this is the last time. It's June and it's hot out there, and it's probably the more stupid idea I've ever had, but I keep thinking about it" he admitted looking away from Blaine. "I keep thinking about that day. About me at that stupid party and you here alone. It's the only thing I can't accept. The only thing I wish I could change, with all that I am. The moment where everything broke apart. I know you forgave me for that, and that I forgave you for not talking to me, but let me apologize one last time."

Blaine remained silent, speechless.

He'd told Kurt over and over that everything was forgotten. That if he'd been able to move out of that stupid apartment, it would be his turn to apologize and woo Kurt like he deserved. And yet.. Yet this left him shaken and completely out of his mind. He smiled getting closer to Kurt and pressing his lips to his.

"Merry Christmas" he whispered before finding himself surrounded by Kurt's arms.

They sat on the couch, a cup of hot chocolate in hand, watching a Christmas' Carol and singing silly songs. A plate of Kurt's special cookies in front of them.

It was easy to forget everything else.

Halfway through their movie marathon Kurt took the present he'd gotten for Blaine and handed it to him. It was a thin package, wrapped up in Christmas paper.

"What is it?" asked Blaine turning the envelope in his hands.

Kurt seemed way too nervous. Like he'd given him something he wasn't sure was welcome.

"It's something I've been wanting to give you for a long time. I know my timing is completely wrong, but I want you to really think about it."

Kurt's words made Blaine even more nervous. Delicately, he unwrapped the gift, and looked inside. They were papers. With a frown he took them out, when he read them his heart stood still.

"New York social services, adoption department" he read out loud.

He felt his eyes sting and a new fresh wave of tears threaten to fall. His hands were trembling when Kurt took them in his.

"Blaine, say something please" Kurt whispered. Like he thought Blaine might say no. Like having his own family hadn't always been his deepest dream.

"Yes" he whispered. Then louder. "Yes, yes, yes" he chanted throwing himself at his husband. "That's all I've ever wanted" he sobbed into Kurt's shoulder. "Nothing more than you and our family."

When Kurt moved back to look into his eyes, Blaine let go the last part of his heart he held to himself.

It wasn't the first time they kissed. Since they'd gotten back together, they'd spent many nights kissing. It was hard in the silence of a dark room, to resist the temptation of reaching for the other.

It hadn't been easy to wait. To give his legs the time to heal, and their hearts the chance to start loving again.

But in that moment, dragging Kurt to himself, the idea of waiting, was completely gone.

"Kurt" he barely managed to say while Kurt's hands were tormenting him in a sweet torture. Then Kurt pressed against him and even the last glimmer of sanity left his mind.

Blaine was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An: Sooooo.. Maybe THIS is the cheesiest thing I've ever written. The epilogue will be up tomorrow if things will go my way, or the day after, if life really decides to get in my way.  
> In the meantime, have a good day, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> All the love.  
> Mary.


	15. Lighters

**EPILOGUE**

**Three years later.**

_This one's for you and me_

_Living out our dreams_

_We're all right where we should be_

_With my arms out wide_

_I open my eyes_

_And now all I wanna see_

_Is a sky full of lighter_

 

"Blaine.." Kurt's sleepy voice broke into the silence of the room. "Blaine wake up, it's your turn."

"She'll be back to sleep.."

It was an automatic response, grumbled tiredly under the covers. One that lacked more conviction every time it was said. He knew it wasn't going to happen and he knew Kurt wouldn't get up, not when it was Blaine's turn.

With an exhausted sigh he moved the covers away and put his feet on the ground.

The clock on his nightstand read 5 AM. It was Sunday, the only day he and Kurt had to rest and relax, though in the last few months, days seemed to be confused together.

It really didn't matter.

Blaine opened the door and smiled.

"What do we have here?" he asked crouching in front of his daughter. He picked her up, holding her against his chest and gave her a kiss on the forehead. The smile that he was answered with, made up for all the sleep he'd lost, and was going to lose in the future.

Katherine, with her dark black hair and her green eyes, had entered their life a few months before and had been their daughter since the first time they'd laid eyes on her.

He sighed pressing her against his shoulder and walking towards the kitchen.

The road towards adoption had been a hard one.

Despite the decision to adopt, in fact, it had taken a lot of time for their dream to come true.

During the months after they'd gotten back together, they'd put every single thought and minute of their time in putting together the pieces of their marriage.

Blaine had gone back to work, taking an associate, so that he could have more free time, and Kurt had finally gotten the job of his dreams; a place as an editor into one of the most renowned magazines in New York.

It was important, for both of them, that their love and their lives were solid and firm before thinking about welcoming a son into their life.

It took them more two years.

The first months were an endless line of paper works and forms to fill, sometime followed by moments of pure panic, when the fear of not being enough had made its way into their mind.

Then, came the letter that changed their life: the approval from the social workers. For the city of New York, Kurt and Blaine Hummel-Anderson were fit to be parents.

Somehow, it had always made sense into Blaine's mind.

He and Kurt had survived a love story born when they were a little more than kids. They were still together, after everything, and he had no doubt in his mind, that Kurt would have been a wonderful father.

It was weird, he thought. In his mind, it had always been a little boy the first to enter their little family.

But life had always given him the most wonderful surprises, and that day, on their first visit to the children home, it had put Katie on their way.

She was a shy little girl, who liked to spend time watching the other kids play. She couldn't have been more than three years old, and yet her eyes seemed to show more pain than any child should have to endure. That day she had lifted her eyes, looking at them without saying a word, and the choice had been made.

She was their little girl, and she was going to go home with them.

Katie didn't talk. The social worker had told Kurt and Blaine that it was not unusual between abandoned children but she had no problem showing what she was feeling. It was all in her eyes.

Between the words never said, Blaine could see the love.

Katie trusted them, and Blaine was sure the day was getting nearer, when she'd be able to open up completely.

"So" he started putting Katie on her high chair. "What are we in the mood for at 5 in the morning? Milk? Juice? Coffee?" he whispered, causing a giggle in her daughter. "Better not" he answered getting milk from the fridge. "Daddy Kurt might not appreciate me giving you coffee."

"He certainly won't" piped Kurt entering the kitchen. He had a serious case of bed hair and a look Blaine had learned to fear.

"You know I'm kidding" he pointed out moving closer to Kurt and pecking him on the lips. "What are you doing out of bed?" he asked then, pouring the milk into Katie's bottle. "You could have slept a little longer, fashion week is coming on, and I know you're going to run yourself into the ground. You should rest."

"And lose family time? Never!" Kurt answered kissing Katie's head and sitting beside her. "Daddy Blaine wants to initiate you to coffee way too soon Katie. If we don't pay attention you're going to have your hair full of gel in no time."

"Hey! My hair is fine, thank you very much. I don't wear half the gel I used to wear, and you fell in love with me back then."

"Love is blind, you know that" Kurt quipped with a smile. "I didn't know better back then." He laughed watching Katie spill milk on herself.

"Yeah right.." Blaine made a vague gesture with his hand. "Don't mind him, Katie. Daddy Kurt loved the gel to death. He still does." He kept his eyes on his little girl, then smiled. "We could try to tame those curls of yours. What do you say honey?"

He wasn't waiting for an answer. Blaine had gotten used to his daughter's silence in the last nine months. And it was that the reason why his and Kurt's heart stopped, listening for the first time to the most important voice in their life.

"Yes Daddy Blaine."

It was a little more than a whisper, but it was incredibly close to the voice of an angel.

Blaine could feel tears wetting his cheeks. One look at his husband, told him that Kurt was in the same condition.

"She…she has.." he faltered.

"Your same horrible fashion sense" finished Kurt with a chocked laugh. He took Katie in his arms, moving closer to Blaine, who hugged them both to him.

That was his life, thought Blaine.

A husband he loved more than anything in the entire world, a daughter who'd just given him the most precious gift he could ever ask for, and a future more splendid that he could have ever dream.

He sighed.

Yes, life was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Oh my God I'm dooooone.  
> What can I say? Thank you all for sticking up with my little story. Whether you left a review, or simply followed me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.  
> I hope this little epilogue gave justice to your expectations and has left you all happy and sweetened up.  
> If you want to gift me with a little review, it will make me incredibly happy.  
> 'Till the next time.  
> All the love in the world.  
> Mary.


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